Nice one. I could visualize everything perfectly and the characters where exactly right. I have a prefect mental picture of Sissy's face at the end and I imagined them in the old fashioned three-stall bathroom from the “Ulrich's Journal” episode. I like the format of having the “money shot” scenes at the beginning and end with the main story in the middle. The attack scenario was very clever as it fits the formula but is still original. If your goal was to create a real “lost episode” that was totally believable, then you succeeded 100%.
I really like this blackmail type of plot and find it really underused in these stories, ( I know Poowrite has one going that may get into these elements.) This would work very nicely in a real episode and I still don't understand why we can't see this type of plot, if not in American cartoons, at least in some anime. These shows try to keep their subplots relevant to their audience and I imagine most teenage girls have had issues with blackmail or privacy in public bathrooms.
I do have to add the eternal and universal “It should be longer!” comment. I would have liked to have heard exactly how Yumi described the incident to her friends and some of the comments thrown at her in the lunch room. (Girl throws a wad of toilet paper at Yumi, “Be sure to wipe! You stink!” etc.) For myself, I would have liked to have seen Ulrich get a peek at the vid. and seen his reaction.
I too hope for more of these as I dearly love natural and believable stories just as much as totally gratuitous huge mega-dumps.Author's Response:
Thanks, I do strive for even greater greatness. (<--- full of himself much? :P) I know what story of Poowrite's you're talking about, WE all hope to see more of that little story soon.
As for the length, I thought it was long enough, but then again it all depends. I probably will go back some day and make a few tweaks. But it probably won't be as drastic as the changes I did for the two FFX stories.