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Title: Samus' second embarrassment. Reviewer: secretaccount122 Signed

Beutiful! I love that game, I love that bad ass girl and her suit, and I love the whole concept of Metroid. I love seeing her crap herself too. That's the best part!

 I like that you maintained the idea that she was a bounty hunter, providing action in harmony with desperation and soiling. Beutiful!

Date: Apr 26, 2012 01:40 am [Report This]
Title: Samus' second embarrassment. Reviewer: Poowrite Signed
Both stories were really good. I actually liked the second (the one that started with the dream) one better. It just struck me as being better written.

Anyway, overall really good. Can never get enough of cute Samus loadin' up that Zero Suit :).

Author's Response:

Thanks. It was actually the dream sequence that was really making things so hectic for me. But here we are, two stories for the price of one. :)

Date: Aug 21, 2009 03:23 am [Report This]
Title: Samus' second embarrassment. Reviewer: livinginfinite Signed
Actually I (and I think Jimmy too) was just referring to how she was alone when she finally lost control. :p

Author's Response: Ah, ok I see what you might mean. I may try to elaborate on that, but at least we know she wasn't very pleased with what happens to her :P
Date: Aug 19, 2009 03:03 pm [Report This]
Title: Samus' second embarrassment. Reviewer: livinginfinite Signed

Oh yeah...now that Jimmy mentioned it, I was also disappointed that she wasn't humiliated in either story...I was looking forward to that, too.

 (Sorry if this is poor reviewing etiquette, I can't find any way to edit my other review.) 



Author's Response: Actually Samus was fairly upset, but being such a hardened bounty hunter, she obviously doesn't have time to be moping for her shameful accidents too long. But yea, I'll try to make the shame more realistic.
Date: Aug 19, 2009 01:00 pm [Report This]
Title: The first messing Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
I enjoyed "The First Messing," but not as fully as I could have. I like how you depict Samus and her excretion process, I like how her accident was due to fear instead of just holding it too long, and of course I like the fact that you based a story on my suggestion. But the story is pretty brief. Sure, there are plenty of events, but they seem to go by in a flash. But I suppose you already know that, since you described this story as "a quickie" and noted that you want to flesh it out later. The story also contradicts the game in several places.

Author's Response: It does? I had watched a vid on youtube that showed the defeat of mother brain, the escape from zebes, crashing back onto zebes, and having to infiltrate the ship. Granted I did try to make the sneaking in a bit more like a real stealth than just Samus waltzing in like no one guards their own ship. Though I had no idea where the attack in the save room was, I looked for sources, but none mentioned such an attack, so I merely improvised it in the first save room she came to.
Date: Aug 19, 2009 03:40 am [Report This]
Title: Samus' second embarrassment. Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
This is the best fan-written story starring Samus I've ever read. You wrote the action sequences so well that it'd probably be entertaining to someone with no interest in women pooping, and her struggle with the hard bowel movement was handled excellently. You also do a good job of describing her desperation, with her bowels acting up a couple times before they move unstoppably. It gives the reader a nice bit of "will she make it or won't she?" I was actually kind of disappointed she wasn't humiliated, but I can also see the appeal of having her retain her dignity against all odds.

"With a yelp, Samus was sent flying back, landing hard on her pert bottom." That was my favorite sentence! It's a fun mental image for someone who spent so many hours of his teenage years playing "Metroid" games. I also liked the mention of her scrubbing her rear. Don't know why.

Lastly, I need to give you kudos for the dream at the beginning. Not only for its content, but for the fact that I thought it didn't realize it was a dream until she woke up from it. I was even making notes on how you could improve it before I learned it wasn't "reality."

I noticed several typos and related errors, some of which were confusing. It also probably wouldn't hurt to add some extra bits of scenery and other descriptions for each scene. Your story has a better "Metroid" atmosphere than any of the other fics I've read, but I still feel like you could have done better in that respect.

Author's Response:

As I said, I was kinda stressing on choosing between a Zero Mission based story and an original 'incident' which lead to the somewhat aprupt and typo-ridden chapters. Most of the time I want to get a lot done, but I always seem to get a bit stuck or side-tracked, but in the end it still always surprises me at how much people love my works even when I think I didn't do my best. Guess I don't give myself less credit than I think I deserve.

But I'm certainly planning on returning and fine-tuning these chapters to make them even better.

Date: Aug 19, 2009 03:37 am [Report This]
Title: Samus' second embarrassment. Reviewer: livinginfinite Signed

Definitely enjoyed these. Thanks for doing the request Orpheum!

 I actually like the one during Zero Mission better due to the fright accidents...and I loved the line about the Chozo test of courage.

You had a few ideas from the thread that I wish had made it into the stories - like the recharge station acting as a recorder,  or the scenario where she gets attacked on her ship and it records her having an accident - great potential there, at least for my tastes.

As far as characterization for fear accidents, I always thought it'd be interesting to play off the vulnerability one might feel in the zero suit if you were basically trained to use the power suit all the time...that's what fascinates me about the situation really.

Also I was really hoping she'd at least wet the bed during that nightmare. If you ever get the chance...maybe change that just as a favor to me? ;P

 Anyways, I really like what you've done. As always I hope you give these a second pass...I think the results would be worthwhile.



Author's Response:

Glad you enjoyed it. I think I will eventually go back and revise both stories so they not only synch up better, but also play out a little better. I just kinda got frustated with switching back and forth and decided to just make them both at once and deal with an issues later. Though I am surprised at how much people liked them and think they're done really good. Guess writing under stress can create some quality works XP

I'll post in your commission thread soon about my reward pictures.

Date: Aug 19, 2009 02:36 am [Report This]
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