Reviews For Velma's Accident
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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: M.B.E.S. Anonymous
Also, the parts where you said "pussy" made it seem much dirtier than it really was.
Date: Nov 26, 2015 06:07 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: M.B.E.S Anonymous
I kind of liked it but I thought it was too sad for poor Velma. It'd be more satisfying if she made it (Velma's Urgency?) and also she wasn't acting like VELMA, she wasn't investigating or saing "Jinkies", and by the way Shaggy is not stoned, just hungry.
Date: Aug 24, 2015 02:35 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Poowrite Signed
I thought it was great. You did a really good job with Velma's pain and desperation. Your descriptions of her urgency were well done and the story as a whole was easy to read.

It was really short, not long enough to really say how close you came to capturing the characters. You seemed to be on the right track with Freddy and Shag tho.

I felt like you over used italics to draw emphasis. The first sentence, you emphasized the word "now" and that felt like it fit. A little later, you emphasized "did" and, to me, it felt out of place.

The desperation was well done and the release was well described but brief. If you plan on writing more for Nyou Fiction (and I hope you do) you might try to lengthen the "release" scenes :).

Overall, great work. I don't really care for Velma but I enjoyed your story. I hope to see more from you in the future.
Date: Aug 26, 2009 01:48 am [Report This]
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