Reviews For A Space Immodesty
Title: Pooping in Space! Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
You do a great job of describing the toilet. I barely remembered the picture, but when I looked it up it was almost identical to how I pictured it from the story. You even describe the kind of poop the girl in the picture is releasing.

The other scenes were all right, but not too engaging. The banter between the desperate Juniper and the rough commanding officer was nice, but the fighting seemed too rushed.

Juniper Maringold is kind of a cheesy name, as is Krimzon (Kzin plus crimson). And why is an alien named Desmomd? The other complaint is the lack of proofreading. A word seems to be words missing from several sentences: "Save the thanks for after we this, kid." "...Which sprouted a good inches from Juniper's rump like a misshapen tail." "...But she certainly wouldn't put with an empty stomach, not by a long shot."

At the end of the day, this is a great toilet scene, and the story and universe are adequate. It would be interesting if you could find other fun scenarios to put this future girl into. The way you describe several characters who don't affect this plot suggests you have other stories in mind that will make use of them.

Author's Response:

I admit I was writing it mostly for the eventual toilet scene, and simple tried to make it a sort "day in the life of" kind of thing, but I will fix the errors you mentioned. Also, the names aren't that bad :P Maybe Krimzon, but it's just that I had those "let's make up a full word, then pluck out letters and toss in apostrophes all over it" like a lot of sci-fi/fantasy stories do, just irks me. As for the character Desmond, I wasn't really able to drum up a name that didn't sound too forced/stupid so I stuck with something that at least sounded better than "Barry the alien" XP


Glad you enjoyed it. If you have any ideas on how else to use Juniper, maybe even loosely tie her little universe to your future thing, I'm all ears. Otherwise, I can't really think of much else beyond hilarious hijinks with other "alien" toilets.

Date: Jul 02, 2012 11:06 am [Report This]
Title: Pooping in Space! Reviewer: HaloAnime Signed
Hex Orpheum? i wrote a new story, its called The Little Anthro Girl. Review and tips? thanks
Date: Feb 04, 2012 10:45 am [Report This]
Title: Pooping in Space! Reviewer: HaloAnime Signed
hey Orpheum ? wrote a new stor- Review and tips? thanks
Date: Feb 01, 2012 03:37 pm [Report This]
Title: Pooping in Space! Reviewer: HaloAnime Signed
Great job again Orpheum! thanks for the review and do you think you could help me with my current story and future ones? Thank you Orpheum!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review. If you want some pointers, by all means ask me or anyone on the forum. Of course I will say now, that the Mars story simply needs some rounding out so it's not so short, and maybe some add twist so it's not just the usual "Let's slap a diaper on her" that so many of these things often seem to be.

Again, glad you liked my story.

Date: Dec 21, 2011 06:17 pm [Report This]
Title: Pooping in Space! Reviewer: Poowrite Signed
I thought it was pretty good, and the description of the way the toliet worked seemed plausible to me.

The plot itself wasn't too bad, and I liked how you made her urge to go affect her performance in battle. Also, a few of the lines from Veril were pretty funny.

Nice job on populating a sci-fi story with a lot of interesting and unique races. Even if they were mostly set-pieces, they lent a lot to making the setting more real. And I liked how you described the physical sensation of faster than light travel.

The restroom scene was top-notch as usual. Overall, a very enjoyable read.

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, it was pretty much on a whim the whole thing. Also, good to see you again, you've been a ghost lately! Isn't Yuna waiting? :P
Date: Nov 21, 2011 05:52 pm [Report This]


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