Theme: A hard day's work
Deadline:
October 1st EXTENDED
How to Enter: when you submit your story add it to the "Story Contest XI" category AND any other categories it belongs to.
Quote from: OrpheumZero on August 05, 2008, 12:53:00 AM
Theme: A hard day's work
Description: Using any series, one preferably action heavy (Code Geass, Black Lagoon, Devil May Cry, etc), we have the girl (or girls if the series has multiple hotties kicking butt) having another typical day of this and that, and ending it with a nice relaxing visit to the toilet.
Example: Structure would be similar to my Case Closed story, in that the story must play out as though it were a lost episode of the series but with the usual nyou-story charm of course ;)
Sorry if this question has already been answered elsewhere, but video game series are fair game for this contest, right? I see that Devil May Cry is mentioned in the description, but the mention of a "lost episode" structure made me wonder.
I cant see why not one could use video games. ^-^
Quote from: Micro on September 02, 2008, 05:08:55 PM
Sorry if this question has already been answered elsewhere, but video game series are fair game for this contest, right? I see that Devil May Cry is mentioned in the description, but the mention of a "lost episode" structure made me wonder.
Just a simple turn of phrase. Basically it means like a removed scene from a story, given that novels rarely do 'here's an event that you didn't see during the trilogy'. But if you've a Devil May Cry story in mind, I'd love to see it.
Quote from: OrpheumZero on September 02, 2008, 10:26:04 PM
Just a simple turn of phrase. Basically it means like a removed scene from a story, given that novels rarely do 'here's an event that you didn't see during the trilogy'. But if you've a Devil May Cry story in mind, I'd love to see it.
Actually, it's Soul Calibur (I'll let people speculate as to which characters). I just hoped that the DMC mention meant that video games were allowed.
So could this be like the ending of a video game (like "Super Metroid" or "Super Princess Peach") written up and followed by a restroom scene?
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on September 04, 2008, 06:04:16 PM
So could this be like the ending of a video game (like "Super Metroid" or "Super Princess Peach") written up and followed by a restroom scene?
I guess that would work, since it follows the whole layout of a toilet scene conclusion. (And I would assume that the video game endings have enough action for this contest.)
I have another question, since now I have an idea for this contest that I really like. The descriptions says "using any series," but can it be an original series instead?
I'm asking this because I have a mostly written story that could fit the category with a little rewriting. The finished version would show a magical girl who drives ghosts from haunted places for a living (sort of like a miko or an exorcist) tackling an expecially difficult job and afterwards enjoying a nice "rest" in a restroom.
What do the judges say?
*Dressed as a Roman*
Hmm.....
*Gives thumbs downs, camera pulls out to show a mime then being mauled to death by a pack of lemurs. Turns around to read.*
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on September 14, 2008, 09:17:56 PM
I have another question, since now I have an idea for this contest that I really like. The descriptions says "using any series," but can it be an original series instead?
I'm asking this because I have a mostly written story that could fit the category with a little rewriting. The finished version would show a magical girl who drives ghosts from haunted places for a living (sort of like a miko or an exorcist) tackling an expecially difficult job and afterwards enjoying a nice "rest" in a restroom.
What do the judges say?
Sure, why not? A good idea would be to have her already in mid-case then go to another, that way you can really show her usual work day.
Quote from: OrpheumZero on September 15, 2008, 10:05:03 PMSure, why not? A good idea would be to have her already in mid-case then go to another, that way you can really show her usual work day.
That's not exactly what I have in mind, but I do have something unexpected in the plot that should score points with the readers.
As for a status report, I have the action written but still need to write the character and potty scenes.
Cool, lookin' forward to what and the other entering authors cook up :)
Are you entering?
Yeah, I'm planning on it.
I should be writting my entry soon, look for it in the next couple of days (heck, maybe even later this evening).
By the way, Duce, do I need that medal picture to add my fifth win? Or do I simply add the award to make it appear?
I started mine today. Got about a page and a half done, though that is mostly dialog. I have a simple outline, though, so hopefully it won't take me to much longer.
That's cool, can't wait to read it. ;D
I don't know if I'm gonna make the deadline. I'm just now recovering from an illness that set me back a few days, and I have parties to go to tomorrow and Sunday. But I'll try.
Well I'm sure we can extend the contest if time is needed. I mean, we'll have to if we can't get another story. It'd be hard to run against myself :P ??? :P *Tries to kick self in ass, but falls over and down stairs*
....Yea... we're gonna need to extend the contest at least another week or two..... *Crickets chirp*
OM NOM NOM!
*Eats the crickets*
My entry is coming along. Any day now...
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on October 09, 2008, 05:34:28 PM
My entry is coming along. Any day now...
*Sitting on a rocking chair, old and covered in dust from 9000 years of waiting*
H......huray! *Coughs*
Just be patient for a little longer. It should be finished in the next hour or so, if that. I have everything written except for the part between the action scene and the restroom scene. The story just got longer than I thought it would.
It's finally up! Not proofread, though.
I feel as though I am a child amongst men with the current entries in this contest O.O
Wonderful work by Orephum and Jimmy O.
Am I to take that to mean you won't be entering this contest?
I hope not. It'd be pretty boring if it was just you and me. A contest just doesn't have much thrill unless you have three or four participants.
Of course not. And I hope one of these months we can get 5 contestants!
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on October 14, 2008, 12:15:45 AM
Am I to take that to mean you won't be entering this contest?
Not necessiarily. I actually have a story I could use for this contest that I totally forgot about. It was posted on the old site and hasn't been re-posted yet. I may end up just combing over it and re-posting it as an entry and doing what I was tinkering with for this contest (a concept that, I'm afraid, was pretty similar to your own) as a seperate story.
Well hurry up! I assume the contest ends on October 15.
Poowrite: To clarify my review, it's not that I didn't like the pooping scene in "Videl's Fight." I thought it was fairly average, not especially good or bad. And yes, I know jokes like the one I suggested weren't used in Dragonball. But on the other hand, "adult" elements are often used in fanfics even when they were missing in the source material.
Which is fine, but it still doesn't answer my question. How would you improve on it?
I'm not out to be an ass, really, and I hope that's not how you're interpreting this. I'm just curious, how would you change it.
Anyone can answer, BTW. Not just Jimmy, help me improve my work.
I don't know what to really tell you. Good pooping scenes are good in different ways. One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl. I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on October 28, 2008, 09:55:31 PM
I don't know what to really tell you. Good pooping scenes are good in different ways. One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl. I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.
Well that's your opinion of it. There doesn't have to be a look a commentary from the person having an accident right as it's happening, it could come after. Who knows, some people zone out as something bad happens to them and only respond once it's all over. Frankly though, I didn't see anything wrong with the Videl story, if anything it was one of the best stories since it was the first if I recall to actually have some action before the 'main event'. (Don't forget, it was made a while ago)
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on October 28, 2008, 09:55:31 PM
I don't know what to really tell you. Good pooping scenes are good in different ways. One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl. I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.
Re-reading it, it does seem like the action kinda pulled away from her and focused only on what was going on. What's the old saying? "Show, don't tell." It did seem like I did an awful lot of telling (though I still think it turned out pretty good :P). In any case, it's a good poing and it's something I'll try to remember in future scenes.
Like I said, I wasn't trying to call you out. I wanted to know what you thought I could do to improve it.
Orpheum, I'm glad you thought so highly of it :). Also, I did write "Trunk's Trick" before I wrote this one and Pan fights the creature before losing control. I think, if we're going to assign a story that had some action before the main event, it's have to be Chapter 3.
Though, between you and I, I thought "Videl's Fight" came out much better :).
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on October 28, 2008, 09:55:31 PM
I don't know what to really tell you. Good pooping scenes are good in different ways. One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl. I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.
Although I'm not into poop that much, I tend to agree with Jimmy on this one. Basic sex/poop/pee scenes get boring after a while unless the author tries to showcase the characters' emotions and thoughts over the whole thing.
Quote from: FallenStar on October 29, 2008, 08:20:17 AM
Quote from: Jimmy Olsen on October 28, 2008, 09:55:31 PM
I don't know what to really tell you. Good pooping scenes are good in different ways. One thing I did notice was that you spent a lot of time described what was happening, but not how it felt to Videl. I think some words about the physical sensations, and maybe also something about her thoughts and emotions, would improve the scene.
Although I'm not into poop that much, I tend to agree with Jimmy on this one. Basic sex/poop/pee scenes get boring after a while unless the author tries to showcase the characters' emotions and thoughts over the whole thing.
Well that is true, but you don't want too much of the character talking over the event, otherwise it breaks the flow of the 'action' going on. But I will agree that you do want some occasional exposition on how a character feels rather than the 'wait until it's finished' routine.
Shouldn't there be a poll by now? It's the first of the month. ???