Also known as "Uopdates" due to the number of times I accidentally hit "o" while trying to type out "updates." That was quite odd, I must say. This thread is here for two reasons:
1) to put updates up
2) to get feedback
2.5) to stop me from getting lazy/abandoning the projects
So...at the present time I only have one fiction work up, called "Schizophrenia" (defecation/farting/pantypoop). Chapters are linked (and I hope the links work):
Chapter 1: Red Mage (http://nyou.autobotiacon.com/nf/viewstory.php?sid=300&chapter=1)
Chapter 2: Past Threats (http://nyou.autobotiacon.com/nf/viewstory.php?sid=300&chapter=2)
Chapter 3: The Labyrinth (http://nyou.autobotiacon.com/nf/viewstory.php?sid=300&chapter=3)
Chapter 4: Oblivion Rising (http://nyou.autobotiacon.com/nf/viewstory.php?sid=300&chapter=4)
Chapter 5: Fygul Cestemus (http://nyou.autobotiacon.com/nf/viewstory.php?sid=300&chapter=5)
As seen, "Fygul Cestemus" is up; upcoming chapter is "The Calm."
If I do any more stories, I'll edit this first post to add their links too. I'm probably not going to link my older stories here that I did under the name FatalDaemon...that would make my lack of writing evolution much too apparent, and plus I can't find them right now. :(
Wow ??? I never knew that you're FatalDaemon!!!
Nice to have you back and I can't wait for your 5th chapter! ;D
Dude! :o FatalDaemon my man! :kawaii:
I had just mentioned to Yarr in a PM about an old page I had printed from the Joy Angels forum where he first put up his original two stories and how long our core group has actually been together. Have we almost reassembled the whole original Yahoo Group crew here?
Great to hear your continuing "Schizophrenia". For what it's worth, I really like it and your old stuff. Even now when I think about it, the only thing they have in common is that I like them all. Perfection doesn't need to evolve. :) If you still have them please put them up here, I think I have copies of all of them already, but let the new people enjoy them too.
Oh man, now I'm going to have to start name-dropping or something. I hope my work speaks for itself and doesn't just get reflected glory from my old days on the Yahoo groups. Thanks for the encouragement from both of you, and maybe I can hunt some old stuff down and give it a rewrite...
Speaking of my work...I have a bit of a problem. I have a basic draft of what happens next, and a general idea of what should go on in Part III of Schizo, but 1: it kind of deviates from the fetish aspect (minor since that's rectified by chapter six, at the very least) and 2: I'm worried about character derailment. So far I feel I've staved off Mary-Sue characterization for Maya, mainly because I've not really gotten into what makes the characters tick. However, a certain event coming up causes conflict, and I'm worried that Maya's way of dealing with that and subsequent revelation will vault her into purple-eyed, friend-to-all-animals territory. I might just have Susanna hang a lampshade on it and then play it straight, though. We'll see when I'm done revising chapter five.
I almost never say this, but I have no clue what the hell you just said in the last paragraph! ??? ??? ??? Maybe I just don't know enough fan fiction characterization clece' slang, but it sounded to me like you where writing in code. :-[
All I can say is, most of these series have some chapters that focus more on "fetish elements" and some more on character and plot development. As long as it more or less balances out in the end, it's all good. I wouldn't stress too much over keeping the characters totally dead consistent all the time. As serious as you may be taking this, (and that's a good thing) it's still kind of a "silly" story with wacky characters. I would say that having some characters with weird or changing motivations is no less unrealistic that a character who brakes the fourth wall with every sentence. ;D
Now that I look, I don't actually have digital copies of your old stories, just ancient printed ones, but I'm sure someone else here dose if you ask.
Quote from: DrBones on May 10, 2009, 06:45:17 PM
I almost never say this, but I have no clue what the hell you just said in the last paragraph! ??? ??? ??? Maybe I just don't know enough fan fiction characterization clece' slang, but it sounded to me like you where writing in code. :-[
It sounds like he's using as many terms from the T.V. Tropes Wiki as possible.
Sorry, I'm not always conscious of using that stuff in normal conversation. :-X It's easy shorthand, but obviously if no one knows what you're saying it's actively harmful to conveying ideas.
Basically what I said was that I was worried about not adhering to the characterization that I'd come up with for my characters. In particular, Maya seems on the edge of becoming unidentifiable since things go her way frequently. Also, lampshade hanging = fourth wall breaking, and playing straight = characters ignoring the cliche, at least in this specific example. It seems like you caught the gist of it though.
But the thing is, when you say "it's a silly story with wacky characters" it doesn't say "lighten up," it says "tighten up." I'm not going to lie, the prize for that competition was and is very tempting. I assume that was the point of having a prize: to get people to write stuff. I'd really like to win, as horrible as that sounds. But the main point of writing is for the enjoyment of the audience, so would you advise me to relax and just let go, or should I make it more sensible? Or are you saying "if you're going to go humorous, go humorous, but if not then try and rein it in"?
Quote from: BlueSniper on May 10, 2009, 11:17:26 PM
But the main point of writing is for the enjoyment of the audience, so would you advise me to relax and just let go, or should I make it more sensible?
How about just relax and let go but make it a little more sensible? How's that sound? Maybe a combination between funny scenes and serious plots is interesting.... (ex. Naruto, maybe?)
Jeez, you naturally think and talk that way? I was sure you did that on purpose just to mess with me. ;D
"I'd really like to win, as horrible as that sounds."
Um, isn't that the point of a contest? ??? It's exactly like you said, the prize encourages people to write when they normally may not, and that benefits everyone. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Sorry if my tone wasn't clear last time, I'll try to convey things better. If you really think about it, the whole core premise of this, a yellow Miss Pac Man demon running around in a world where video game companies are gods, is a little "silly" (I mean that in a good way as in creative, different, and outside the box.) As Zee said, popular action/comedy anime mix wacky antics with bloody fights and tragic drama, each in their own place. I think the level of "seriousness" in the last chapters was perfect and if you could just maintain that, it would be great. But, I also think you're saying that's the whole problem; the story is at a point where it has to go one was more than the other. Given that it is a "silly" story then, I would say go for less serious. Let Susanna keep braking the fourth wall, let Maya be a bland, idealized character for everyone else to play off of and play ever cliche strait! If it has to go a little more humorous, let it as long as I doesn't end up degenerating into a Bobobo type mess of utterly disjointed pointless nonsense, but with you I think there's little danger of that. ;D So that's one vote for "lighten up", but it's just my personal opinion. You may want to hear what other people think too.
Well, thanks a lot for the advice from everyone. It's very appreciated.
I think I have a good idea of where I'm going, but I've done something of a complete rewrite of "Fygul Cestemus" (CH 5) and some of the scenes based on it later so it might be a little while longer before it's out. I have to go over it again; although there are a bunch of specific things that have to happen before the end of the chapter (and they have) I just want to make sure it flows right.
Bumping to say I'm just about ready to update with the fifth chapter, but I'll have to read it over at least once more to be sure. It'll be up by tomorrow night (or at least it should). It's kind of fetish-lite, but at least the first seven pages of the next chapter (The Calm) should make up for it.
That...makes me excited. Hooray!
*turns into a jet, bombs the Russians*
*crashes into the sun*
*...now I'm dead*
First post updated. And yes, I understand that you guys don't just read my stuff to look at my stylin' prose, but also for the fetish elements, which happen to be lacking in this chapter (biggest one yet, which makes it more apparent). I do apologize, but there are more to make up for it in the next chapter.
As you'll see, I really like the companion pooping moments, because it's lots of fun to have the pooping person play off of another person, whether that person is squeamish, receptive, enraptured, or even pooping in sync. So I hope you enjoy reading it, since I enjoy writing it.
Quote from: Toasty on May 21, 2009, 01:07:58 AM
That...makes me excited. Hooray!
*turns into a jet, bombs the Russians*
*crashes into the sun*
*...now I'm dead*
Toasty? Toasty?..... TOASTY?!?
!
I enjoyed the new chapter for the storytelling element, I'm a longtime fantasy fan so the fact that the two large behinds that were introduced did not "deliver" in quantities that their stature could imply, did not bother me at all.
Though I'm not complaining that there is brown action on the horizon for the next installment. Will we finally see Tira relieve herself properly after eating out the food cellar?
I think this story gets more interesting as it trots along, keep it up.
Sorry I've been away for some time, RL issues have been...issues. (Gotta love my way with words, that's why I have so many fans)
Thanks to the people who commented. Yarr, don't worry, it's in store, but you won't necessarily...well, finishing that sentence would reveal stuff, so I'll stick with the "it's in store."
And ON!
Quote from: BlueSniper on June 21, 2009, 07:03:14 PM
Yarr, don't worry, it's in store, but you won't necessarily...well, finishing that sentence would reveal stuff, so I'll stick with the "it's in store."
And ON!
Jolly good. It will be interesting how that is handled should it happen out of reach of those large cups previously used. I doubt a normal toilet will stand much of a chance. Maybe an outhouse. Damn the secrecy! :-X
In case you're wondering, "Schizophrenia" is 24,200 words long, making it about exactly the same length as "Discord in Scarlet" by Van Vogt, or twice the length of "The Call of Cthulhu" by Lovecraft or "Nightfall" by Asimov or "We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" by Dick, or half the length of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy."
I'm using its extreme length as an excuse for having not finished and reviewed it yet. ;)
Hope you don't mind, but I posted your old Tekken 2 and Dead or Alive stories on the fiction site. If you want, I can alway change the penname to yours. I just thought it'd be nice to share these little classics here on the site.
That's absolutely fine. I don't remember much about the Dead or Alive one, I just remember it was slightly based around a picture I had requested from back in the day.
I apologize for the huge delays. I promise I'm not throwing in the towel or anything. And this time, it's not because of writer's block; I took your advice, yarr, but now I'm just super busy. I will have some time to write, though.
As I said, if you ever want them reverted back to your name, just say so.
I hope you're not dead, bluesniper? :kawaii:
I second yarr's hope of you not being dead, BlueSniper.
Still alive. I'm not feeling confident about finishing Schizophrenia though. I have ideas, but I can't seem to come up with a way for them to flow together. It's like there are too many directions I want things to go in.
ahh nice to see u still around Bluesniper ;D well, about schizophrenia, why don't you tell us what your ideas are... and if you want, maybe we can help you to figure out what you want to write... :)
Wow. I just...wow. It's been a while since I posted here (more than 120 days, according to the site!), and I'm mildly to moderately perturbed to say this, but Schizophrenia might just be on permanent hiatus.
*shrinks back from the chorus of assorted "we know"s and "well, yeah"s in the audience*
If I hadn't lost the base computer it was on, then the email address in which it was stored via Google Docs, I'd be up for redoing it/continuing it. But considering that I hadn't even gotten to the timeskip, or even the big battle part 1, I don't find it a huge loss. (Also Soul Calibur's story is confusing as [expletive deleted].)
I tend to like working with the same characters in an established framework and building toward something; I can't help it. However, my track record for long-term projects is...not great. So I guess a compromise would be a bunch of one-shots in the same fictional universe (a relatively original one since that's how I roll) but without a larger story necessarily tying them all together. In this spirit, I'm totally throwing something up that I just started and finished tonight, no rewrites, no edits, just my mind plopping it on the page. Let's see...possibly vaguely magical girls with, ahem, callipygian figures, piloting giant robotic things against alien squads who will later be revealed to be the minions of some super powerful race of space Amazons with telepathic powers and lots of fiber in their diet?
Okay, so there might be a couple of two or three parters...
When can we expect to see this?
Probably in about 15 minutes, actually. I decided that the whole "no revisions" thing might be a mistake. :P
Also, I'm aware that there's usually an element of yuri in all of my stories, from slightly subtle to the epic will-they-or-won't-they of Maya and Cassandra. I'm going to try and cut down on that a bit, but...not yet. I understand that it doesn't appeal to everyone. This isn't at all in response to anything in particular, other than some back-reading that I've been doing of my stories.
EDIT: Actually, I'm having a bit of trouble since it's not accepting my summary edits. So...we'll see.
So...hmm. Here we go. If the italicized part sounds like a voice-over intro to an anime, that's the intention. This story is basically me making an "established framework" out of an anime series that doesn't actually exist. The title of this fake anime series is Axon Mobile Corps.
The year is 2100. Humanity has made its first foray into outer space with the construction of mobile colonies currently in orbit around Earth. However, the lands beyond the wild blue yonder have proven to be somewhat nefarious, so in order to protect itself Earth has created a solution. That solution is the Axon Mobile Corps, a team of young mecha pilots--Akira Akiyama, Yuki Nanjo, and Jun Tsukino--who do what they must to defend Earth. Powered by the very energy sources that other alien races would use to attack them, the Axon Mobile Models perform dexterous tasks and military missions by synchronizing with their pilots, allowing the pilots to control them telepathically. It is through this strange symbiotic relationship between human and machine that Earth remains a bastion of freedom in the universe.
And now for the actual fic thing:
"Finally...a little R&R."
Akira Akiyama let herself fall back into her bed, arms outstretched. She made no effort to cover her mouth as she yawned in exhaustion. The last three weeks had been tiring for everyone involved in the Axon Project, and of course the star pilot was the center of attention. Piloting an enormous mechanical humanoid was one thing. The press conferences, the peace talks, the banquets--alright, so perhaps it wasn't all bad, but after the whole ordeal Akira was more than ready to have the next ten hours to herself.
Just ten hours...The nineteen-year-old redhead frowned, a wistful expression appearing on her face as she stared at the pink, starry ceiling of her quarters. It was the most continuous time she'd had to herself in a while, but in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't much. Still, it was something. Akira reached for the novel near the side of her bed, a book she hadn't touched in months. Unlike the others, she actually still read books--that is, when they had the chance. Sure, she couldn't very well carry it into the cockpit (which was when she used the standard holographic Sho-Books) but she could always catch a page or two before bed and after waking up. The familiar weight felt good in her hands--
"Alright, let's--oh hi, Akira."
Akira's door hissed open, revealing another teen who was clearly in the midst of barging into the room. Like Akira, she wore the standard black spandex jumpsuit with belt and a half-jacket. Unlike Akira, her hair was shorter, about chin length, and a deep indigo shade. She was also built slightly more thickly in the thigh area. They both had relatively athletic builds, but the newcomer's leg muscles--as well as the round buttocks connecting them to her back--were a bit heftier than Akira's. These were some of the many things that Akira heard about on an almost daily basis, given the other girl's tendency to brag about...almost everything. Yuki Nanjo wasn't a bad friend, per se, she just could be a bit talkative when the subject was herself, or the many male crew members who she would catch staring at her, or the modeling career with some rapper's line of clothing that she'd given up to be part of Axon, or any number of things, really.
"Uh...Yuki?" Akira asked, an eyebrow raised.
Yuki fidgeted, attempting to adopt something of a nonchalant appearance as she leaned against the door-frame. "So, what's up? How's the book?"
Akira smiled, slightly amused. "Thus far it's good, but I haven't started the next chapter yet. I was just about to."
"Sounds great," Yuki replied.
There was a pause.
"So...did you need something?"
Yuki glanced down the hall behind her, then back at Akira. "Um...about that. You see, I actually came to--"
A loud gurgle could be heard in the small room. With only two occupants at the time, it wasn't difficult to narrow down the source. It subsequently became even less difficult when Yuki held her hand to her abdomen, her cheeks tinged just the faintest shade of red.
"Wait a minute," Akira said, sitting upright and holding up a hand. "No. No way. Not this time."
"Oh, come on," Yuki demanded, taking ginger steps toward the bed. "It's the new sync drink. I swear Dr. Tanderogi spiked it with laxatives or something. And let's be fair, I assumed you'd be off-ship, at the library or something."
Akira made a face. "Don't you and Jun have a bathroom?"
Scoffing, Yuki rolled her eyes. "Up until about twenty minutes ago, we did. Which means, by my best estimate, that I'll have to wait another thirty for the air to become breathable again. You know how Jun is."
"She does love those dino-burgers for some reason," Akira noted with a wry smile. "But I also know how you are. I had to unclog it last time by myself. With a biohazard mask."
"Please," Yuki whined, standing uncomfortably with her legs crossed behind her, forcing her rear end to close tightly over its messy payload. "I promise I'll try not to clog it up. It's not even so bad this time. Think of it this way: I could be arguing about it while standing on your rug and maybe losing control, or it could be safely inside your toilet with no mess and no fuss."
"And what about the public bathroom on this floor?"
"Occupied. By a couple of B-levels, of course." Yuki frowned. "Anything else? I don't think I can hold it much longer, and I definitely can't make it to a different floor in time--"
Almost in unison with this last sentence, a dull-sounding fart burst out from between Yuki's clenched cheeks, vibrating loudly. PRRRAPT! Akira froze for a moment, but there seemed to be no damage to her zebra-patterned rug.
Yuki's blush deepened to scarlet as she checked the back of her leggings with some subtlety. "Well, that kinda highlights the seriousness of the situation, doesn't it? The next one might be a bit more, uh...solid. Or liquid, for that matter."
Falling back onto the bed in annoyance, Akira muttered something under her breath. "You know where the plunger is."
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou..." Yuki dashed past the small bed to the door. She punched in the "open" command into the small silver keypad, then swung around to the other side and began typing in the "close" command with one hand while unzipping the lower half of her suit with the other.
Akira sighed as she heard the sounds of Yuki fumbling with the zipper. It could take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour for any of the pilots to finish their toilet-related duties, and she probably wouldn't get any reading done with Yuki blasting off like a rocket only a few feet away. Although, that didn't mean she couldn't amuse herself...
"Override close command," Akira said in a mischievous voice, swinging her legs off the bed and turning to face a confused Yuki.
"Override? But why--"
Akira raised an index finger. "First, we can't have you suffocating yourself in there. The bigger area will allow the smell to disperse a little quicker. And secondly," she said, holding up another finger, "I can't read with you dropping logs as loudly as you do. I might as well have some quality entertainment. This is my room after all."
Yuki considered this for a moment. "Whatever." Yanking her bottoms down, the bigger pilot dropped onto the toilet forcefully, folding her arms over her stomach. It was now Akira's turn to lean against the door-frame in a seemingly nonchalant fashion, a lighter in one hand and a cinnamon-scented candle in the other. Any minute now, the fireworks would start--
BRRRRRIP! A wet-sounding blast rang out as Yuki's anus expanded, allowing the long-held-back tide of soft excrement to drop noisily, piece by misshapen, pasty piece, into the bowl beneath. The blue-haired girl rubbed her aching stomach firmly with one hand, gripping the basin of the sink beside her with the other as she bore down to release more wet slop into the bowl almost just as loudly. An odd grimace was forming on Yuki's face as she squinted with one eye, her cheek pulled up by her pout at the exertion. The excrement crackled as it slimed through her anal opening, a ragged chain that was only occasionally broken by the odd burst of flatulence.
Running her free fingers through her long hair, Akira watched the spectacle with fascination. "One of your better performances."
"I..." SPLOOSH! "...hope..." SPPPPLLUCKK... "...you're--nngh--being..." PFFFFT... "...well-entertained," Yuki managed to get out between gasps. The weight in her intestines was lessening, but there was obviously more left in her, judging from the rumbling feeling deep in her guts. "Okay, I--ugh--officially don't care, Jun can pilot the new machine. There is no way I'm drinking that stuff ever again."
"I'm sure she probably felt the same way half an hour ago," Akira said with a chuckle, lighting the candle in her hands and holding it closer to her face. "How are you doing?"
"I've been better," Yuki replied, still rubbing her abdomen. "I've still got more."
Akira nodded, amused but also amazed at the sheer capacity of Yuki's intestines. When Yuki had started, she'd absently counted about two dozen plops before losing count as they all blurred into a torrent of muck spewing freely out of Yuki's butt. The water level in the toilet was probably beginning to rise. A thought occurred to her as she pondered this. "You know, you could probably--"
"Urgh," Yuki hunched forward as a loud fart popped out, reverberating in the bowl beneath her. Her stomachache seemed to return with a vengeance, and now she sprayed a chunky, viscous soup into the bowl, the mess plopping softly atop her earlier output as it squirted from her. Akira's nose crinkled as the smell started to rise from beneath her friend. The sounds Yuki was making resembled ketchup being forced from a plastic bottle. It was hard to differentiate from the sound of her urinating, though she was doing that too, from the sound of it.
"--flush now," Akira finished lamely. At least, if the sounds Yuki's rear end were making were any indication, the excrement now exiting her wasn't going to do too much in clogging the toilet. The redheaded girl pocketed her lighter and sat on the edge of the tub, next to her incredibly productive friend and copilot. The smell was certainly stronger next to Yuki, but it was still bearable for now.
Well, as long as she didn't breathe.
Of course, the slight lull had fooled her into thinking that Yuki was even close to done, which, of course, could not have been more untrue. Yuki was almost bent double, both her arms wrapped around her midsection, meaning that Akira could now see her anus squeezing in and out as she dumped the wet, gooey load on a dangerously proportioned and still growing pile. From what Akira could see, things did not look good for the toilet, although she could only guess at how the rest of it looked. Yuki straightened a bit, holding back onto the side of the sink. Her stomachache must have been easing a bit. She took a couple deep breaths and grunted softly, spraying the bowl again with a high-pitched, vicious-smelling wet fart.
The runny, sloppy sound of Yuki's thorough colon-cleansing started to flag down, then stop. Yuki sighed contentedly, arching as she sat up.
"Feeling better?" Akira asked, rubbing Yuki's back.
"Much better, although I might have some bad news," Yuki said, a sheepish expression on her face. "Either that was some violent crapping I just did..."
"Entirely possible," Akira interrupted, grinning.
"...or...Imayhavefilledyourtoilet."
Akira's smile froze. "...what."
Yuki looked away, choosing her words carefully. "I kind of have...a mud-butt thing going on, and I think it might be because your toilet's full, so it's, um, it's actually touching my--"
"You know, when I said, 'You could probably flush now' I wasn't just joking," Akira grumbled.
"I know, I know..."
"I seem to remember saying something about not clogging my toilet."
"Well, it might not actually be clogged," Yuki managed weakly. "It was pretty splattery and gooey, it kind of went...outward; who knows, maybe it's just splash-back?"
"There was a lot of information in that statement," Akira said, sighing. "Maybe a bit too much. We might as well survey the damage, I guess."
Yuki sighed, then wordlessly leaned forward and stood.
It was as they had feared. The water in the toilet was but a memory, completely displaced by the literal mountain of greenish-brown excrement sticking out defiantly from the toilet. A pair of strange round indentations were at the top; they matched the soft, gooey mess squished between and smeared on Yuki's generous buttocks.
Gazing at the earthy mess in the toilet, Akira found it difficult to remain annoyed. Despite her initial disgust, there was something a little...thrilling?...about seeing the monstrous load, not to mention her friend's messy backside. Still, the smell was staggering; she fanned the air in front of her face. The thick rear Yuki loved to brag about must have been sealing in the noxious gases, and now that it was removed, the fumes were free to overpower her poor candle.
"You really did a number on that thing," Akira said softly. "I don't even..."
"...yeah, about that," Yuki said, her voice taking a strange tone as she put a hand to her stomach. "Um...I'm not quite--ugh!"
Yuki bent as an expression of pain and worry contorted her face. Before Akira could do or say anything, Yuki had spun around, her rear end hovering just over the toilet. She grabbed the sink once more and pushed hard with a moan. PRRRAATTT! A stream of brown chunky liquid jetted out of her anus, hitting the back of the bowl. Another grunt signaled a second wave of liquid, this one pure brown water. Akira could see the output carving trails in what had already come before, such was the force of Yuki's diarrhea.
"Oops," Yuki said, letting herself sit gingerly on the seat and holding her waistband to preserve at least some modesty. "Guess it's clean-up time." With her free hand, she reached toward the toilet paper roll.
"I don't think so," Akira said, intercepting Yuki's hand.
Yuki stared at her blankly. "Uh, what? Do we need to go over the mud-butt thing again?"
"Say 'mud-butt' one more time and it becomes your nickname," Akira replied. "And no, I'm quite aware of that. I'm also aware that adding paper on top of all of...that...is somewhat unwise."
"But--"
"But, but, but nothing," Akira cut in, pointing at the closet door. "You can wipe after you're done plunging."
Yuki pouted. "It was pretty soft. Maybe it'll flush."
Akira rolled her eyes, then pushed the flush lever. The toilet made a sound like someone trying to start a lawnmower underwater. Then, much like a lawnmower that was underwater, it stalled with a gurgle and was silent.
"Guess not, Mud-Butt," Akira joked. "Have fun plunging."
"Hey, I didn't say 'mud-butt'!"
"No, but you just did."
Yuki sighed, defeated. "Fine, fine, I'm plunging."
Sometimes, Akira mused, as she leaned against the wall of the small bathroom, arms folded, one did not need to be alone to relax. Now and then, it was nice to fly solo, to have time for reading, meditating, whatever. But as Akira glanced at Yuki's rear end, bouncing with each thrust of the plunger, she realized that it wasn't always necessary.
Sometimes there were better ways to unwind.
---
So I made some last minute changes, hope they're okay.
This has some nice description. I like the part about her being unable to wipe right away. I'd enjoy it much more if I knew more about the characters, or if there was an extra gimmick to the pooping or desperation. I hope you have more stories in this universe.
Out of curiosity, what does flying solo mean? I have a couple guesses, but I'd like to know what you really meant. ???
Alone. As in Charles Lindbergh was the first to fly over the Atlantic solo because he flew alone. If you're asking what the term means.
A very good story. The only thing I would change is the character name for Akira. Akira is pretty much an exclusively male name. Unless that's the whole point and it's a joke name. ;D
Akira can also be a woman's name. The singer Akira Sudou is a woman.
And I know what flying solo means literally, I'm just wondering if it's a figure of speech in this context.
I KNEW IT! I just knew I'd look like an idiot answering that question!
Then what does it mean? Self-stimulation?
Really, this board doesn't have a sweatdrop smilie?
Sorry about any confusion, I meant just hanging out on her own. I envisioned Akira as kind of a loner at times who would rather be reading on her own than hanging out with a huge amount of people. I didn't mean for it to be a euphemism of any sort, although now it looks pretty dirty when I read it.
I do plan to expand on the world a bunch later. No worries.
Cool. I can't wait to meet these fiber-obsessed space maidens. ;D
Alright, BlueSniper, I read your story a few days ago, but now I finally feel ready to write the review it deserves.
First off: Oooooooh my goodness.
I should probably start by saying that toilet filling/overflowing is pretty much my favorite, favorite thing to read about in these kinds of stories, and I don't think I've ever seen it done better than it was here. So, I might be a little biased because I enjoy the subject matter so much.
That said, I think this is honestly one of the best stories I've ever read. As Jimmy mentioned earlier, your descriptions are pretty awesome--I think the one about the lawnmower starting underwater was my favorite. I found them to be clever and evocative, but not excessive. Also, I liked how you gave us a little information about the characters, then jumped right into the action. Recently I've been trying to strike a good balance between spending time on the setup and not dragging the story out too long before I get to the poop scenes, and I think that's something you do really well here.
As for the pooping scene itself, I thought that your descriptions stayed pretty fresh, and the highlight of the scene for me, where she fills the toilet to the point where she's literally sitting in her own shit, just...wow. So many good details, from the imprints of her butt cheeks in the mound, the thrill of seeing such a gigantic load, to the way her diarrhea carves channels in the mountain of poop...hot damn. Amazing. It's hard for me to even describe why I find this stuff so good, it's like that scene gets right down to the core of why I even read and write these bizzare stories in the first place. The only way I can describe it is that you wrote the story I always wanted to write, but didn't know how.
I think a big part of it is the dialogue. It has a certain quality about it that I can't quite put my finger on, it conveys a sense of embarrassment and awkwardness that grounds the ridiculous (Yuki letting Akira watch her, Yuki sitting in her own poop) in the reality (Yuki being embarassed about taking a huge dump in front of her friend, Yuki being anxious about clogging the toilet). I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but I think it's involved with the way you sometimes let important parts of statements go unsaid ("I kind of have...a mud-butt thing going on, and I think it might be because your toilet's full, so it's, um, it's actually touching my--") and the natural rhythm you set up for the dialogue (inserting pauses and "um's" into conversation, Yuki saying "thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou", stuff like that.)
If it's unclear what I'm getting at, the other example that comes to mind is the dialogue from Susanna's accident scene in Ch. 4 of Schizophrenia. I think that also sort of captured her embarrassment really well, without making her shame the focus of the whole scene. There tend to be realistic stories (for example, Micro's work, where people tend to act rather realistically) and more fantastic stories (such as my Peach story, or a lot of yarr's stories, which features people acting unrealistically at the whim of the author, ridiculously large loads, etc.), and I feel like this story combines those two styles really, really well.
If I had to criticize anything, (and it was hard to find stuff, but I believe in constructive criticism), I would say the wording of the expository "intro" sequence felt a little odd ("dextrous tasks", and "proven to be somewhat nefarious" stand out), unless of course you were trying to make it sound like a cheesy anime dub. Also, you spend a few sentences at the beginning establishing that Yuki is sort of a braggart, but I really didn't see that come through in the way she acted during the story. Maybe that's something to think about if you write a sequel (and by all means, please do!)
Whelp, I'm pretty sure that's the longest review I've ever written, but it's because I really, really, really like this story, and I wasn't really sure why at first, so I wanted to write it out. I hope you find what I said helpful, and not just a long gushing rant, but I enjoyed your story so much it's kind of hard for me to tell the difference at this point.
So basically, the upshot of all this is that you should write more stuff for this site, or I will be extremely sad. I don't even mind if you don't continue Schizophrenia, even though I liked it, I just hope you write something.
Toasty out.
It seems like I come back here once every 11 months or so. Here's to hoping for a bit more consistency this year.
Various (nyou-related) works in progress include:
Axon Mobile Corps - as stated before, vaguely magical girls with callipygian figures, piloting giant robotic things against alien squads who will later be revealed to be the minions of some super powerful race of space Amazons with telepathic powers and lots of fiber in their diet
Simply Fantastic! - a college girl finds a porta-potty that moves through space/time/dimensions (think Doctor Who, kind of) and is trying to get home in time for her Calculus midterm
My Roommate is a Shapeshifting Dragon - A news intern finds a naked pink-haired girl behind her apartment building and takes her in; she soon finds she's bitten off more than she can chew as she gets pulled into a world of mystical creatures from myths and legends. Diary format.
Snippet ideas, not yet fully formed, based on dreams or random moments:
Platinum - A traveling rock band, post-apocalyptic setting.
Howlin' at the Moon - likely to involve werewolves, as well as mooning witches. Because if you're going to have characters expose themselves out of necessity, why not also have them expose themselves for fun and profit?
Some of these ideas might get mixed together and/or thrown out. We'll see (if I have the self-control not to try to make every little idea that pops into my head a full-fledged story). If anyone wants to help or has any suggestions for the ideas I already have, please let me know.
QuoteAxon Mobile Corps - as stated before, vaguely magical girls with callipygian figures, piloting giant robotic things against alien squads who will later be revealed to be the minions of some super powerful race of space Amazons with telepathic powers and lots of fiber in their diet
Am I the only one who think this is the best synopsis ever? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE MAKE THIS INTO AN ANIME ALREADY.
QuotePlatinum - A traveling rock band, post-apocalyptic setting.
I don't even know why, but
FUCK YES.
Still working on my response to A Bizarre Experiment.
Also, the Howlin' at the Moon thing will probably have one werewolf character who, in addition to being a werewolf, also possesses an enchanted stare that, according to legend, when directed at one's eye, pulls out all the deep dark secrets of a person in the worst ways possible. So, while the witches in question will be using their magical powers (by mooning the werewolves) to get them to change and thus expose them to the ignorant townspeople, let's just say they might get a little more than they bargained for.
(Yes, that means explosive diarrhea, most likely)
The werewolf concept opens up some entertaining possibilities. You could have a woman IDed as a werewolf because she poops out stuff like human bones and belt buckles. =D
Quote from: BlueSniper on September 05, 2011, 06:59:24 PM
Still working on my response to A Bizarre Experiment.
Oh, I was just looking at it and considered taking it down, it suddenly seemed rather inflexible to me. Then I remembered that someone had somewhere sometime hinted on attempting it, and here we are.
Just don't feel to restricted by it, branch out in any ways you want.
Quote from: yarr on December 20, 2011, 06:27:18 PM
Quote from: BlueSniper on September 05, 2011, 06:59:24 PM
Still working on my response to A Bizarre Experiment.
Oh, I was just looking at it and considered taking it down, it suddenly seemed rather inflexible to me. Then I remembered that someone had somewhere sometime hinted on attempting it, and here we are.
Just don't feel to restricted by it, branch out in any ways you want.
Almost done. =D
Naisu.
(http://blog-imgs-29-origin.fc2.com/n/a/m/namiroji/120102.jpg)
And then, hilariously, I didn't have any time to work on it between then and now. At this point, all that's left is the proofreading part. Unless someone wants to proofread it for me...
...didn't think so. I'll try to have it up sometime this week.
I'd be happy to help dig out typos if needed, I feel a little obligated to help ship this thing, since it was my (rather extensive) challenge to begin with ^-^
E.P.I.C!!!! The story is gonna be AWESOME!!!!!
Hmm, I wonder...if someone were to glance at the front page of this site right now, what would they see? Perhaps a new posting, maybe a...response, to some sort of...contest, or, what's the word--ah yes, challenge. Maybe they'd see that. I guess we'll never know, though.
So, I got a request for more Gretchen...I have to admit, when I was writing the character, I was considering working with these two again, focusing on Gretchen a bit more. I've also got half a mind to throw a girl like this into the mix:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u2q7uM2BOc# (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u2q7uM2BOc#)
I suppose if I was going to write another story, I'd premise it by saying that the third girl heard/saw them in the locker room. Which means she got a good look at Tabitha's bouncy buns =D G&T would have secured the area a bit more, but it was urgent, and they didn't expect anyone to be there--indeed, Girl #3 (Vicki, perhaps) was the only person there, up for an early swim thanks to the purported laxative effect it has on some people. Of course, she'd be yarrified to perfection--her waist would be the same size as the lovely Ms. Veronica in that video, but her hips on the other hand...like I said, yarrified to perfection.
Ah, stories about hot chicks taking huge dumps. May they never end.
So, there's a new Soul Calibur game out, and there was a character who caught my eye. She's apparently got magical powers, she wears a dark-purple cape with lavender trim and her name? Her name is Viola.
Is this some sort of sign that I'm supposed to finish Schizophrenia?
Yep, that story certainly deserves an ending, even though the nomenclature may be nothing more than a coincidence. 8)
Quote from: BlueSniper on February 06, 2012, 10:20:09 PM
So, there's a new Soul Calibur game out, and there was a character who caught my eye. She's apparently got magical powers, she wears a dark-purple cape with lavender trim and her name? Her name is Viola.
Is this some sort of sign that I'm supposed to finish Schizophrenia?
Dear BlueSniper,
YES, OBVIOUSLY!
Signed,
- Everyone
@A Rat: I assume it's a coincidence, but how awesome would it be if it wasn't? I figure it's not though, I don't see a staff member in the Bamco development team putting in a reference to a (BEAUTIFULLY AND EXCELLENTLY WRITTEN) fanfic about pooping.
*going to have to make that game myself*
There may be updates for Schizophrenia this summer. I'm not going to make promises, though.
On the Bamco front, however, as a break from my long-term projects, I am doing a short story called The Enemy Within, centered on a pair of sisters from another (related?) game. It's a shame that I didn't have a way to work in an enema in a Nyou-story with "enemy" in the title, but hey.
Quote from: BlueSniper on May 04, 2012, 11:18:04 AM
@A Rat: I assume it's a coincidence, but how awesome would it be if it wasn't? I figure it's not though, I don't see a staff member in the Bamco development team putting in a reference to a (BEAUTIFULLY AND EXCELLENTLY WRITTEN) fanfic about pooping.
*going to have to make that game myself*
There may be updates for Schizophrenia this summer. I'm not going to make promises, though.
On the Bamco front, however, as a break from my long-term projects, I am doing a short story called The Enemy Within, centered on a pair of sisters from another (related?) game. It's a shame that I didn't have a way to work in an enema in a Nyou-story with "enemy" in the title, but hey.
I'm still interested in Soul Calibur, bummed that Sophitia is gone but it would be great to have one more pooping scene from someone like Cassandra.
Um...
http://nyou.animegirldesp.org/nf/viewstory.php?sid=650 (http://nyou.animegirldesp.org/nf/viewstory.php?sid=650)
Merry X-mas?
Sort of a late present this holiday season, but I finally posted something new for the Story Contest.
http://nyou.animegirldesp.org/nf/viewstory.php?sid=777 (http://nyou.animegirldesp.org/nf/viewstory.php?sid=777)
Enjoy.
So after getting some great advice on how to solve my problem by yarr, I figure this is my list:
1) The Queen of Iron Stomach Tournament - currently in progress
2) Duel Monster World - that title is a placeholder, but it's the Yu-Gi-Oh stuff I was talking about. I'm thinking a collection of one-shots involving my favorite monsters; I've got some stuff in mind for Rose, Warrior of Revenge, Mystical/Dark/Gemini Elf and the Amazonness group.
3) My Roommate is a Shapeshifting Dragon - in the interest of consolidation, this will be kinda-sorta mostly original, but will also incorporate elements that might seem...inspired...by Kamen Rider, Psycho-Pass, and Cross Ange. It's basically a Kamen Rider concept using dragon eggs as transformation devices in a world that's dystopian in ways similar to Psycho-Pass.
Because of the nature of (2), I think I can get away with finishing QoIST, then doing some of (2) while I'm plotting and fleshing out (3), and posting random chapters of (2) while (3) is ongoing but blocking me. Incidentally, I do have Chapter 4 of QoIST and most of Chapter 5 done, but I usually wait to post a chapter until the following one is finished, just so that I can solidify and tweak things on the fly if need be. And let me just say, if Chapter 3 seemed a little light/clean...Chapter 4 gets a teensy bit messy.
Hmm, I need to tag onto this thread. The Queen of the Iron Stomach was good, particularly with the fear accident thing thrown in. And definitely looking forward to the yugioh stuff. There are some good Yuighioh human females(namely Akiza), and I dunno if humans are going to be involved in your stuff or if its the duel monsters world.
Quote from: blooper on August 06, 2015, 06:16:29 PM
Hmm, I need to tag onto this thread. The Queen of the Iron Stomach was good, particularly with the fear accident thing thrown in. And definitely looking forward to the yugioh stuff. There are some good Yuighioh human females(namely Akiza), and I dunno if humans are going to be involved in your stuff or if its the duel monsters world.
I probably won't write much about the human characters in Yu-Gi-Oh; the situations and characters tend to be somewhat limited. Also, I don't do too well with the HS characters, as most of my female characters are older. I could do a post-timeskip Akiza though. Thanks a lot for the feedback and suggestions!
Always assumed the 5ds characters were mostly adults, actually :X Guess I really have no idea one way or the other. Timeskip is totally fine.
Also you shoudl get a skype account so we can work on game devving again x.x
Agh, I keep forgetting. I have the program, but I don't have it set up. We're doing that by text, right?
Also, Chapter 4 of Iron Stomach is up.
Theoretically we were supposed to do a voice thing to discuss, but who knows. Duce has set up a shared google docs folder as well. I put some stuff in it, a preliminary system and some cards, though its something I'm making in lackey as opposed to what the game has to be, since I used leakage as hp and such. Needs work, but its a start. Tell Duce ot add you to the folder so you can read it, then send whatever comments through Skype.
Hey, who likes Cersei Lannister? *crickets*
Okay, who dislikes her enough that reading about her in lots of pain and desperation for a privy would be entertaining? Spoiler alert: she makes it, though thinking about it now I might have to write a version of this where she doesn't. Or maybe a second chapter. I'll consider it when we get a ASOIAF/GoT category.
Words are Wind (http://nyou.animegirldesp.org/nf/viewstory.php?sid=860)
Mother of god. A Song of Ice and Fire story?? I didn't think anything could justify delaying the next chapter of the Tekken story, but clearly I was wrong.
I've only read the description and warnings and I already think I'm going to have a heart attack. :kawaii:
Transference (http://nyou.animegirldesp.org/nf/viewstory.php?sid=880), my entry for Story Contest 31. It was maybe the 5th idea I started writing and then scrapped, but the difference is that I ended up going back to this and finishing it (at least that chapter, which might not be the last we see of Nialla/Britha). Hope it does everything it's supposed to do. I was going for a few different things plot-wise, and I think I skimped on too many details, looking it back over. But hey, it's in, so at least there is a single entry.
Original characters, original story. I swear Queen is still a thing I'm thinking about, even if I'm not actively writing it.
(for the record, ideas 1-4:
1 was an expanded version of something that occurs in George R. R. Martin's A Clash of Kings, where Tyrion spikes Cersei's wine so that he can attend to matters of court as the Hand without her gumming up the works. In the book the only aftermath we see is Tyrion receiving word that she's not feeling well, while thinking to himself that the real reason she's not around is that she's crapping her guts out. Here we'd get all the gory details.
2 was another original story involving a team of paranormal investigators staking out a women's wrestling gym/training area, where one of the team is constipated and the other takes her laxative-laced drink because she's an insensitive jerk. She ends up having to use the travel potty inside the back of the van, much to the chagrin of her teammates.
3 was similar to 2, except the team is a sisterhood of superheroines, the laxative is in the form of chocolate powder, and almost everyone on the team ends up drinking the ensuing chocolate milkshakes--except of course the one teammate who needs it the most. The team's made up of a gadgeteer [the constipated main character], a speedster, a healer, a telepath, a mimic, a Hulk-lite, a hyperkinetic, a floater, and a kinda-Kryptonian.
4 was a steampunk-ish retelling of the Odyssey, specifically the part with the Cyclops. It basically follows Captain Odysseia and her airship on the return from Troy, before she's waylaid by the ferocious giantess Galate, who menaces them with her bottomless appetite and her fiendish "Evil Eye" between her cheeks. She's dispatched by a combination of clever thinking and a barrel of potent fruit squash with laxative properties. I still plan to write this one.)
Oh man...new BlueSniper story. And it's 5,000 words? I gotta prepare for this. Block out some alone time, buy some nice beer, maybe put on some atmospheric music. I can't just, like, *read* it all willy-nilly. Is that weird? That's probably weird.
...ha! For a second there I was almost worried about being weird on this site. That's a good one.
By the way, those are some great ideas. I find number 3 to be particularly interesting, if incredibly ambitious (at least it would be for me, it would take me forever to write something with all those characters). I look forward to seeing that Odyssey one someday, too.
@Toasty - I seem to remember planning to put a character in a story inspired by you as a thank-you for being so supportive over the years. I'm going to see what I can do about that for my next story, I think...
And #3 was probably the closest other story to being my submission. Maybe I'll finish writing that and submit it as well, since no one else seems to have entered the contest this time around.
Running unopposed for the win.