BlueSniper's Updates/Feedback Thread

[BlueSniper]

Also known as "Uopdates" due to the number of times I accidentally hit "o" while trying to type out "updates." That was quite odd, I must say. This thread is here for two reasons:
1) to put updates up
2) to get feedback
2.5) to stop me from getting lazy/abandoning the projects

So...at the present time I only have one fiction work up, called "Schizophrenia" (defecation/farting/pantypoop). Chapters are linked (and I hope the links work):

Chapter 1: Red Mage
Chapter 2: Past Threats
Chapter 3: The Labyrinth
Chapter 4: Oblivion Rising
Chapter 5: Fygul Cestemus

As seen, "Fygul Cestemus" is up; upcoming chapter is "The Calm."

If I do any more stories, I'll edit this first post to add their links too. I'm probably not going to link my older stories here that I did under the name FatalDaemon...that would make my lack of writing evolution much too apparent, and plus I can't find them right now.

[Zee_phyro]

Wow  I never knew that you're FatalDaemon!!!

Nice to have you back and I can't wait for your 5th chapter!  ;D

[DrBones]

Dude!    FatalDaemon my man! 

I had just mentioned to Yarr in a PM about an old page I had printed from the Joy Angels forum where he first put up his original two stories and how long our core group has actually been together.  Have we almost reassembled the whole original Yahoo Group crew here? 

Great to hear your continuing "Schizophrenia".  For what it's worth, I really like it and your old stuff.  Even now when I think about it, the only thing they have in common is that I like them all.  Perfection doesn't need to evolve.    If you still have them please put them up here, I think I have copies of all of them already, but let the new people enjoy them too.     

[BlueSniper]

Oh man, now I'm going to have to start name-dropping or something. I hope my work speaks for itself and doesn't just get reflected glory from my old days on the Yahoo groups. Thanks for the encouragement from both of you, and maybe I can hunt some old stuff down and give it a rewrite...

Speaking of my work...I have a bit of a problem. I have a basic draft of what happens next, and a general idea of what should go on in Part III of Schizo, but 1: it kind of deviates from the fetish aspect (minor since that's rectified by chapter six, at the very least) and 2: I'm worried about character derailment. So far I feel I've staved off Mary-Sue characterization for Maya, mainly because I've not really gotten into what makes the characters tick. However, a certain event coming up causes conflict, and I'm worried that Maya's way of dealing with that and subsequent revelation will vault her into purple-eyed, friend-to-all-animals territory. I might just have Susanna hang a lampshade on it and then play it straight, though. We'll see when I'm done revising chapter five.

[DrBones]

I almost never say this, but I have no clue what the hell you just said in the last paragraph!  Maybe I just don't know enough fan fiction characterization clece' slang, but it sounded to me like you where writing in code. 

All I can say is, most of these series have some chapters that focus more on "fetish elements" and some more on character and plot development.  As long as it more or less balances out in the end, it's all good.  I wouldn't stress too much over keeping the characters totally dead consistent all the time.  As serious as you may be taking this, (and that's a good thing) it's still kind of a "silly" story with wacky characters.  I would say that having some characters with weird or changing motivations is no less unrealistic that a character who brakes the fourth wall with every sentence.  ;D

Now that I look, I don't actually have digital copies of your old stories, just ancient printed ones, but I'm sure someone else here dose if you ask.   

[Jimmy Olsen]

I almost never say this, but I have no clue what the hell you just said in the last paragraph!  Maybe I just don't know enough fan fiction characterization clece' slang, but it sounded to me like you where writing in code. 

It sounds like he's using as many terms from the T.V. Tropes Wiki as possible.

[BlueSniper]

Sorry, I'm not always conscious of using that stuff in normal conversation. It's easy shorthand, but obviously if no one knows what you're saying it's actively harmful to conveying ideas.

Basically what I said was that I was worried about not adhering to the characterization that I'd come up with for my characters. In particular, Maya seems on the edge of becoming unidentifiable since things go her way frequently. Also, lampshade hanging = fourth wall breaking, and playing straight = characters ignoring the cliche, at least in this specific example. It seems like you caught the gist of it though.

But the thing is, when you say "it's a silly story with wacky characters" it doesn't say "lighten up," it says "tighten up." I'm not going to lie, the prize for that competition was and is very tempting. I assume that was the point of having a prize: to get people to write stuff. I'd really like to win, as horrible as that sounds. But the main point of writing is for the enjoyment of the audience, so would you advise me to relax and just let go, or should I make it more sensible? Or are you saying "if you're going to go humorous, go humorous, but if not then try and rein it in"?

[Zee_phyro]

But the main point of writing is for the enjoyment of the audience, so would you advise me to relax and just let go, or should I make it more sensible?

How about just relax and let go but make it a little more sensible? How's that sound? Maybe a combination between funny scenes and serious plots is interesting.... (ex. Naruto, maybe?)

[DrBones]

Jeez, you naturally think and talk that way?  I was sure you did that on purpose just to mess with me.  ;D

"I'd really like to win, as horrible as that sounds."

Um, isn't that the point of a contest?  It's exactly like you said, the prize encourages people to write when they normally may not, and that benefits everyone.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Sorry if my tone wasn't clear last time, I'll try to convey things better.  If you really think about it, the whole core premise of this, a yellow Miss Pac Man demon running around in a world where video game companies are gods, is a little "silly" (I mean that in a good way as in creative, different, and outside the box.)  As Zee said, popular action/comedy anime mix wacky antics with bloody fights and tragic drama, each in their own place.  I think the level of "seriousness" in the last chapters was perfect and if you could just maintain that, it would be great.  But, I also think you're saying that's the whole problem; the story is at a point where it has to go one was more than the other.  Given that it is a "silly" story then, I would say go for less serious.  Let Susanna keep braking the fourth wall, let Maya be a bland, idealized character for everyone else to play off of and play ever cliche strait!  If it has to go a little more humorous, let it as long as I doesn't end up degenerating into a Bobobo type mess of utterly disjointed pointless nonsense, but with you I think there's little danger of that. ;D  So that's one vote for "lighten up", but it's just my personal opinion.  You may want to hear what other people think too.     

[BlueSniper]

Well, thanks a lot for the advice from everyone. It's very appreciated.

I think I have a good idea of where I'm going, but I've done something of a complete rewrite of "Fygul Cestemus" (CH 5) and some of the scenes based on it later so it might be a little while longer before it's out. I have to go over it again; although there are a bunch of specific things that have to happen before the end of the chapter (and they have) I just want to make sure it flows right.

[BlueSniper]

Bumping to say I'm just about ready to update with the fifth chapter, but I'll have to read it over at least once more to be sure. It'll be up by tomorrow night (or at least it should). It's kind of fetish-lite, but at least the first seven pages of the next chapter (The Calm) should make up for it.

[Toasty]

That...makes me excited. Hooray!

*turns into a jet, bombs the Russians*

*crashes into the sun*

*...now I'm dead*

[BlueSniper]

First post updated. And yes, I understand that you guys don't just read my stuff to look at my stylin' prose, but also for the fetish elements, which happen to be lacking in this chapter (biggest one yet, which makes it more apparent). I do apologize, but there are more to make up for it in the next chapter.

As you'll see, I really like the companion pooping moments, because it's lots of fun to have the pooping person play off of another person, whether that person is squeamish, receptive, enraptured, or even pooping in sync. So I hope you enjoy reading it, since I enjoy writing it.

[OrpheumZero]

That...makes me excited. Hooray!

*turns into a jet, bombs the Russians*

*crashes into the sun*

*...now I'm dead*

Toasty? Toasty?..... TOASTY?!?

!

[yarr]

I enjoyed the new chapter for the storytelling element, I'm a longtime fantasy fan so the fact that the two large behinds that were introduced did not "deliver" in quantities that their stature could imply, did not bother me at all.

Though I'm not complaining that there is brown action on the horizon for the next installment. Will we finally see Tira relieve herself properly after eating out the food cellar?

I think this story gets more interesting as it trots along, keep it up.