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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: MyndBlown Signed
Although it's not my type, very good story! Nice sound effects, details comparable to a bestselling author and a very funny plot. Very few parts need help. First, sound effects I said were nice, not great. The effects make me dizzy when I read them and they also are just too long. They make me want to skip them. Secondly, this is based on opinion, the ending is a little short. I think it would've been nice to tell us Luna and Star's reaction when Cirno finally returns.

Quite a good story overall! Polishing is needed though.

Author's Response: Oh thanks. Your critique was greatly appreciated. Frankly, I enjoy adding sound effects because it feels like the fart has presence. It works better for me rather than just writing "an explosion of noxious gas tore through her plump rear". As for the ending, I thought to keep it that way as a "to be continued" sort of thing. I can't really describe it more eloquently than that. But really, thanks for the critique.
Date: Aug 14, 2016 05:53 pm [Report This]
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