You must login (register) to review.
Title: Chapter 1: The Aftermath of Sandoro Reviewer: HaloAnime Signed
I NEED HELP WITH WRITING A FAN FICTION! MY FIRST SUCKED! I'M NEW TO WRITING FAN FICTION! AND KUDOS TO YOU Jimmy Olsen, Poowrite, and OrpheumZero! You 3 RULE AND WERE MY INSPIRATION!
Date: Nov 26, 2010 10:43 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Crash! Reviewer: HaloAnime Signed

Finish IT! ALSO PLEASE MAKE A SEQUEL!

 

Date: Nov 26, 2010 10:37 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Crash! Reviewer: battou Signed
come on plz finish it i hate it when a good fanfic goes unfinished
Date: Sep 05, 2010 09:16 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Crash! Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed
Odd, could have sworn I had reviewed this. Anyway, I'm still waiting for the next part! I want to see what happens. I do think though, that Videl 'lacking arm strength' is absurd. I mean... she could probably leave Gohan a bloody mess if she wanted you know :P

Author's Response: Even after all this time, I still get good words on these stories. Man, I really need to get back to them. Thanks for the review!
Date: Nov 06, 2009 11:04 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Crash! Reviewer: ripvanwink Signed
I love this, no ending though...?

Author's Response: Thanks. I guess since this one still gets reviews from here and AdultFanFiction.com and I still get requests to finish it I should get off my lazy arse and do so ^^.
Date: Feb 06, 2008 08:07 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1: The Aftermath of Sandoro Reviewer: EFROdian Signed
Alright, the next installment of Dragonball PT (Pan's Torment) is here.  What a great set of chapters, there's not one thing that I can really complain about except the cliffhanger ending because I'm dying to read more.  Excellent job!    The descriptions were great (and I'm not just talking about the pooping), the characters were well-done, the plot hooked me, and you've ended with a genius quote about how the very diarrhea that had saved her life might now be the cause of her demise.  MORE PLEASE!!!

Author's Response: *groans* Dragonball PT is sooooo much better that the series name I came up with, damn I wish I\'d thought of that :(.rnrnThanks for the review, I hope to get back on this one soon.
Date: Oct 26, 2007 05:30 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3: Crash! Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed

Kyaah! You got me all excited and now you leave off!

Well this is a good story so far, and I'm really enjoying it despite my lack of love for Dragonball. I think this is a tremendous improvement upon "Trunks' Trick." The last, imminent part in Chapter 3 and the nocturnal dump in Chapter 1 are my favorite parts. Very good, vivid descriptions. It was also nice to have a description of a relaxed morning dump in Chapter 2. The part in Chapter 2 about her being naked from the waist down under her robe seemed like it was foreshadowing an embarrassing "revealing" scene, but unfortunately (from my P.O.V.) that didn't happen.

I think the mention of Videl punishing Pan with enemas was gratuitous. I mean, something like that would be worth establishing if it were a major deal, like a flashback or a plot point, but when it's relegated to one throwaway sentence it seems like you're adding poop-related stuff to the Dragonball universe just for the sake of adding poop-related stuff to the Dragonball universe. I also thought the reference to "Roshi's Deal" should have been left out, especially since it doesn't go anywhere. Lastly, proofreading would be beneficial.

I can't wait to see where this goes. I mean, I know Pan's going to live, but besides that. I'm wondering if there's a reason the planet's name sounds so much like "betraying." And I'm hoping Pan gains access to diapers. Not because I'm really into diapered girls, but because this they would be a great solution to her problem making this the perfect fic for diapers to play into. I mean, there are lots of fanfics where the reasons for the girls donning diapers seem contrived. In this one it would be 100% logical.



Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I guess I did leave off in kinda bad place. I totally burned myself out on the story when I started it. Now I\'m to a point where I\'m trying to tie everything together before I move forward. I know where I want Planet Bitraien to end up and I know where I want the as of yet unnamed part three to end up, just not entirely sure how I\'m gonna get there.rnrnWhen I wrote Trunk\'s Trick I was coming off a period of a year or better without writing anything. So it\'s nice to see that I\'ve improved :).rnrnI\'ve heard people talk about their parents administering enemas as punishment and thought it would fit well into a story on this site. References to other stories, be they mine or not, is something I like to do and like to see. I guess it\'s not for everyone and I\'m sorry you didn\'t like it. Also, I usually proofread to the best of my limited ability, but admit to rushing these out the gate.rnrnIn any case, I\'m glad you liked it. Hopefully I\'ll get around to finishing it sometime.
Date: Oct 11, 2007 05:39 am [Report This]
You must login (register) to review.