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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Zee_phyro Signed
Always love the story about Japanese girls, especially this game!

I was kind of expecting she would relieved herself at Japanese Squat style toilet though XD

Author's Response: Yeah, I know it would make more sense for her to use a squat toilet, but I thought of the scene of her falling off the throne, and really wanted to use it. So I shoehorned in the western-style toilet.
Date: Mar 03, 2008 07:01 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Poowrite Signed
Great work, it's nice to see a story based on Fatal Frame. I always liked the character, Miku, and I think you did a good job here.

As always, you manage to capture the act of relief beautifully. And even maintain your style of "walked in on" stories despite Miku being the only living creature in the story.

As far as the horror aspect is concerned, you did a good job, though, sadly, the bathroom content seems to distract from this. Still, not a bad ghost story.

As an aside, I distinctly remeber thinking she controled like she had a giant load in her bowels in the game :).

Great work, thanks for sharing.

Author's Response:

Thanks, I've always wanted to do a story or drawing with either Miku, or Heather from Silent Hill 3. But I didn't really want to do the horror theme, and it seemed weird to take the characters out of their element, so to speak. I'm glad I finally got a chance.

I'm glad someone else has played Fatal Frame. Someone gave it to me as a present, and I got totally addicted. I never thought Miku controlled _that_ badly, though ^_^  

And you know, until I started posting stories here, I never realized all of mine revolved around someone getting barged in on. Funny the things you learn about yourself when others critique your work. 

Date: Mar 02, 2008 05:17 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Pretty damned good. I think you very well may have beaten me and Jimmy in the case of a truly scary expierience. I only nailed the classic ghost story, whereas Jimmy had the trappings and setting down, but you really got the horror element laid out.

 

You should maybe consider a 'blooper ending' where the ghost recoils from Miku's dump. I know, a ghost shouldn't be able to smell, but that'd be pretty funny.



Author's Response: Thanks. I do watch a lot of horror movies, so I had a decent amount of inspiration. I wish I would have had the time to really make it creepy, but I just haven't lately.
Date: Mar 02, 2008 02:34 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
This is short, but it left an impression. I enjoyed it quite a lot, and I really want to play the game it's based on. Sounds interesting. Your description IDs the game (I'm assuming it's a game) as "Fatal Frame," but you don't mention that in the category. I don't understand the thing with the rope burn, which I assume is something anyone who's played the game will understand, hence your lack of explanation.

I like how the first part of her dump is repeatedly undone, and how she has the poop scared out of her. The image of a couple feet of poop dropping out of her like slack line from a fishing pole is enjoyable. The tinkle was nice, too, and seems like a reasonable amount for someone who didn't feel they had to pee.

The only complaint I can think of is that you don't mention anything getting messy when she falls off the toilet. It's not unrealistic, just seems like a wasted opportunity. If she had gotten a little poop in her panties or streaked across the seat it would have been more interesting for me.

But really this is a story that requires basically no editing and has basically no shortcomings. More than worthy competition. ^_~

Author's Response:

Thanks a lot! I did mention to Duce that there needs to be a Fatal Frame category added so I can put it in something other than the contest category, but it hasn't shown up yet (hint hint). I definitely recommend playing the game if you're at all into survival horror. It's kind of tough to find the original PS2 version now, but the Xbox version might be a bit more plentiful.

 

The story is probably a little disjointed in spots, because I had to rush to get it finished. I was originally going to flesh out the part about her brother teasing her and make it into a flashback, but I just didn't have the time to make it flow with the rest of the story. 

Date: Mar 02, 2008 02:27 am [Report This]
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