Well, you already know I love this but I thought it'd be rude to not at least post it here. The mention of her little leak at the start was great, I wish you'd put that in more of your stuff. The near messings from fright were cool too, but maybe you could take that idea further? Like have her touch her crotch to see if her wet spot got any bigger...
Author's Response: Well I think in the end it's pretty obvious it got bigger :P
If anything can me strengthened, it would be the action scene with the snake. It didn't feel very tense.
Author's Response:
Glad you liked it. Maybe if I ever feel the urge, I could revise it a bit to include more action. But I felt it worked being quick and sudden, then tense as Jill loses control.
As for the bathroom-related things, the description of her pee was my favorite part (which isn't to say there was anything wrong with the pooping). I also liked the detail of the goosebumps from the cold porcelain. That's a very realistic detail I'd never though of or read in a fic. And I love where you say, "...truly it was almost unthinkable to conceive that the equine sized load inside the toilet had made it's way through Jill's rather petite form." Petite girls strangely dumping huge loads is something commented on in lots of fics, but rarely with such a good choice of words.
Now for the inevitable criticisms. The part where she poses in the mirror seemed unlike something that should happen at this point in this story. The Chun Li panties seemed even more out-of-place. I also could've done without the random sodomy reference.
Good fic, though. Kudos for giving the reader something that registers emotionally besides the bathroom-related things.
Author's Response:
Dude, get over it, there's gonna be some heavy sexual stuff in stories, not that big a deal.
The Chun Li bit was just a bit of referencing the fact that Capcom makes both RE and Street Fighter. Also, her posing was done because she wanted to take her mind off the events she's just been through. Was it weird when all the people in Dawn of the Dead raided the stores and goofed around despite the fact that a million zombies were slowly surrounding them?
Anyway, thanks for the review and I do hope you'll attempt a story for the contest.
The combat wasn't bad either. While it was a bit tame compared to what I'd expect from a zombie story, I have to remember that this isn't really a zombie story. For what it was, a story about a tough girl pooping, it was pretty good.
That being said, there were a few things that felt off. I don't remember Jill having a potty mouth, for instance. Or worrying about being walked in on. She's in a house full of the living dead. It seems that something like that should be far from her mind and she might even be relieved to have the company.
In any event, I enjoyed the story. Thanks for posting it.
Author's Response:
While I admit the potty mouth was probably a tad bit off, you have to admit that it probably does get frustrating to have all sorts of monsters trying to eat you every minute. As for the walking in bit, well I would imagine when you know there's a few living people around, you wouldn't want THEM to see you in such a position. Personally I didn't feel the need for extreme gore in the fights, and I think did well enough to describle a fairly graphic defeat to the zombies.
I'll admit I did kinda borrow some structure from Micro's story, but hey, immitation is the sincerest form of flattery (or in this case; a dump by any other girl still stinks the same XP)
Overall I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I can't wait to see what you have mind. That Claire idea you mentioned would be pretty cool. Thanks for the review.