But.. how can a girl clogging a toilet ever be bad?
I've never played a "Street Fighter" game with Sakura, and only know who she is from fanart.
You don't see bloomers mentioned in fanfics very often.
Great simile: "foamier than a freshly poured beer."
The "a few hours later," "the following day, early morning," and "an hour later" tags seem amateur.
Great sentence: "'I've got you this time!' she declared as she clumsily pulled up her red bloomers and applied her skirt, a comical sight if there ever was one."
Great simile 2: "like a malformed potato"
Great line: "I'm about to introduce you to a whole new world of suffering!"
Great simile 3: "crackled louder than a set of popper fireworks"
Great sentence 2, 3 etc.: The whole paragraph that follows "Bombs away!" The gripping of the rim and her reasons for moaning are particularly nice touches.
Toshi's reaction at the end seems unnecessary. A transcript of Sakura's note following her dumping scene would have been sufficient.
Closing remark: This is the best fic I've read here in quite a while.
Thanks, glad you liked it.
I think the transitions were ok, not the best, but they help when you're doing a short story and wanting to explain how much time has past rather than just "an hour after that"...
"I’m about to introduce you to a whole new world of suffering!" I don't care much for 2D fighters and, frankly, I hate Street Fighter >.< so I can't say how accurate this is to her personality, but it it would have made me chuckle either way.
The descriptions of the scenes (except the pooping scene) and characters were a bit lacking, but since you didn't spend a lot of time on the story that's understandable and I still had a picture of what was going on.
I really enjoyed it, I'm looking forward to what you and yarr can cook up in the future!
Another Sakura fic!!!! ^_^
Heh, I like sakura, and any fic with her i instantly like.
Hang in there, Yarr will be handling the next part, then I'll be for the third.
I can't wait to see what Yarr does as well. ;)