My part 6 due soon too, by the looks of things.
I've never cared for Street Fighter or any of its female characters, but these stories are still a ton of fun to read. The pooping is described with such vivid detail that I can almost hear it crackling from the girls' bums.
The concept of a toilet murderer was a tad over the top, but I could help but laugh at the concept. Sounds like the Janitor's Union is out to get Sakura :).
I didn't catch the easter egg you mentioned. But, If I had to guess I'd say it has something to do with room 215. The hotel and the room were kinda sparsely described, that you took special care to mention the room number struck me as odd.
Anyway, great story.
Author's Response:
*Sighs, tapping index fingers together with a look of disappointment* I guess no one is ever gonna get it. It's a reference to Hotel Dusk: Room 215 (Known as Angel's Memory in japan) It's an awesome adventure game on the DS about a detective who goes to a hotel and solves a mystery. If you love games like Ico, Monkey Island, and the like, then I highly advise getting this game.
Anyway, thanks for the review. Again, I can understand that not many like Street Fighter *Capcom games aren't exactly known for being 'gentle' :P* But you gotta admit the girls are hot, even if over-the-top, not that it's a bad thing XP
Author's Response: Dude, I think the dump in this was about the size of her body! XP I mean, if a woman could shit this big, I'd love to shake her hand! But I'm sure you'll figure out some way for our dear Sakura to drop a school bus of kids at the pool. *Just don't take too long @__@*
Anyway, it's good, but I feel like it should be better, considering the characters involved. The premise is pretty far-fetched, but that doesn't really bother me. I can still get into the story. What bothers me more is how the description of Chun-Li is pretty bare-bones, and the interplay between her and Sakura is pretty banal. Then again, I have a long-time adoration for Chun-Li, so I'm inclined to hold fics focussing on her to a high standard. The pooping, on the other hand, is described vividly and eloquently.
There are two sentences in particular that I thought were very good additions: "It felt like a monster was clawing at her insides, demanding to be unleashed from it's dark confines." and "Her hole gradually opened, a thick log slowly peeking like curious mouse, then retreated." There's also one sentence that I thought was greatly improved by a slight rewording: "Sitting down, Sakura sighed with relief as her cheeks spread out and molded onto the seat..." There are many other improvements, but these were the most obvious to me.
One thing that bugged me was that there are two different "as though" clauses in the final sentence of the 4th paragraph (the one beginning with "Uh oh!").
The bottom line is this is a good chapter, and made better by the revisions, but there's plenty of room for improvement.
Author's Response:
Well for some reason replacing the chapter doesn't seem to bump it back to the front page. Glad you enjoyed it though. I'll admit it's a little far fetched, but we are talking about a series where the girl is taking a dump large enough to make a cow pat look like rat turd. I mean, how many of our stories have been totally realistic? :P
Though how was Chun-Li described badly? I thought I did pretty good in describing her body and outfit pretty well. I'll admit her personality might be a bit off, but then again there's like a dozen versions of her I don't think anyone would care much. As for her talk with Sakura, it's meant to be like a giddy fangirl meeting their idol.
Anyway, thanks for the review.
I wonder what would happen if Sakura did get caught in the act of committing "toilet murder". Would they just make her clean it up, forbid her from using any public flush toilet ever again, or have a police man watch her go to be sure she took a normal, human sized dump every day?
I assume "Awesome Experience" refers to Sakura getting to have an informal pooping contest with her hero. I had been trying to come up with something like that; I normal character and a famous person share a bathroom.
Don't take offense Orpheum, but the hotel scene did seem rushed. Everything was just too convenient and the girls where a little too willing to go along with it. I love your work, but it almost seemed to read as; "Hey kid, wanna take a dump with me? *fart, plop, wipe* See ya." I think this is a good enough premise that it would be worth refining and expanding.
The day after I read the second chapter, I saw the Street fighter Alpha movie on TV so I get the "anti-gravity headband" jokes a lot better now. Plus, Sakura's mentioning that she wanted to go to America just to be in a hot dog eating contest at the beginning defiantly made me think of this series. (An idea for a future chapter perhaps?)
Author's Response: Like I said I or even Yarr might come back and do a bit of revising to the chapter. As for Sakura making a stop in America, who knows. It definately would make her more infamous to be killing toilets in both the east and west. As for the buddy dump part, I figured Sakura wouldn't be too shy about going with Chun-Li, she isn't really the type to get all gushy blushy and quiet. But yea, I'll probably try to fix that.
Author's Response: God speed, monkey. Let's just hope he doesn't get into the gin like last time...
The smell alone would have been enough to topple an army of Zangiefs.
Ha ha ha! That part just made my day when it came to that story!
Author's Response: Glad you liked the joke. Thanks for the review.