I vaguely remember reading this at some point, but I can't be sure. So I wonder what changes you made before this posting of it. Anyway, in its present state, it's full of good descriptions. At the beginning you do a good job of conveying that she really needs to dump, and you follow that up with good descriptions of desperation. My favorite part is "Instead of spending the flight preparing for the fight she was certain would come, Videl was forced to dance desperately in front of her instruments and clutch at her cramping belly." I just love the mental image those words evoke. ^_^ The dump itself isn't bad, but isn't all that remarkable, either.

While I'm using my cut-and-paste function, I think I'll comment on the line "But it looks like you're down to only one arm. Don't think you can beat me like that, little girl." It made me think it'd be funny if Videl said "You manage to beat yourself with only one arm" as a comeback, but she didn't make use of that opening he gave her. But this and the not-quite-spectacular dump are minor lost opportunities in a story that otherwise lives up to its potential quite well.

As good as this story is when judged by the standards of regular stories, I think you should have tweaked it some more for the contest. The contest theme by Orpheum says "ending it with a nice relaxing visit to the toilet." Only your story doesn't end with the dump, instead the dump takes place in the middle of the hard day's work. I think you should have changed it so Lucifer still defeats her due to her pain and distraction, but she doesn't lose control. Then, after her father wins the fight for her, she can dump without having any responsibilities (either using a toilet or messing herself in her mini-helicopter, possibly on purpose).

So basically what I have to say about this is that it's a good story, just not so good for this particular contest.

Author's Response: I wondered the same thing, myself, before posting it. Concerning Videl pooping mid-way through the fight. But, if I remember correctly Orpheum featured a fight in his story after the toilet scene and I don't really understand how mine is that different. Plus, I figured the contest rules wouldn't be so rigid so as not to allow a break in the middle of the job. If it's going to be a problem, though, you can post take a poll on the forums and if I get voted out, I'll withdraw. In any case, thanks for the compliments. I really should have done more work on it before re-submitting it. But I While funny, I'm not entirely sure that the joke you offered ("You manage to beat yourself with only one arm") would have fit in the world. I don't remember any jokes of that nature (masturbation, sexual) in Dragon Ball Z. Of course, I may just be making up excuses for not thinking of it myself :P. I sorry you didn't like the pooping scene, I thought it turned out okay. If you don't mind my asking, how would you have improved it? As always, thanks for the review.