The desperaztion and messing were top-quality as always.
I will say the story seemed a little rushed at the end. Throughout most of it, I didn't notice a whole lot of errors but as I reached the last few paragraphs they started popping up more frequently.
All-in-all, though, a great addition to the Rachel's Crisis series.
Finally, the 3rd series of Rachel's Crisis! Nice story, but too bad there is no murder scene going on and the storyline seems a little too simple (no offense, but this is not Orpheum's way! ^_^)
even I'm not a big fan of panty pooping, I love the pooping scene as usual!
I liked the messing scene. It was a huge load, yet believable, and you described it well. My favorite part is the champagne cork metaphor. The only way I can think of that scene being better would be if you elaborated on her fear a little more, to make it seem more worthy of scaring the crap out of her. And speaking of that, I liked the line about her having more than her wits scared out of her.
I was kind of hoping Rachel's accident or her lack of panties would be noticed, but I'm not sure if that would have actually made the story better. I don't even know why I was hoping for that, since usually when I read a story I'm hoping the main character won't be humiliated.
The stuff with the characters is good too. It makes it seem like it isn't just a panty-messing story, even though there isn't much of a plot. I like the mental image of Anita with her deadpan expression dressed as a princess. And, even though I'm not crazy about stories that put me inside a pervert's head, the part about Conan imagining the pants scared off of Rachel made me smile. One other random thing I liked was, "A bitter chill from the night air bit at her, but the heat she experienced from the shame kept her from feeling it."
There are some typos and omitted words, but they're barely distracting at all (unlike in other stories I won't name). Really, I can't find anything serious to criticize about this, besides that it feels slight (which isn't necessarily even a bad thing, depending on your point of view). I'd say it's much better than the other 2 installments. Keep up the good work!
Oh come on, you've never had a few 'fantasies' about a girl you were deeply in love with? There's nothing wrong with that, heck, as long as you aren't imagining crazy sex domination crap, you're just expressing feelings that you may be bottling up (which Jimmy had been doing all the time that he's known Rachel).
Like I said, I'll probably try to think of a mystery angle later on, but right now I can't figure out how to do one without removing the scary mansion since once a murder happens the people would have to quite their jobs and get serious to help solve the thing.