I like the line "her face turned an even deeper scarlet." I notice you transferred it from the 1st chapter to this one. I also thought her cupping her panties to make walking easier was a nice touch.
I look forward to reading more. Is this going to be your entry in the contest once it's done?
This was fairly entertaining. You've got me interested in reading the next chapter. The transition from dream to reality at the beginning is well done, and it made me chuckle. The messing at the end was also handled well.
This part confused me: "she could have sworn that her cold pajama bottoms became a little warmer." Did you mean it the other way around?
Author's Response: i was trying to say that she had another accident, maby it came across wrong
That being said, it was a good story. The accidents were nice. Overall, not bad at all.
Here's hoping we see more from you.
Author's Response: thanks i will keep on it
Pretty good. Though it could use a lot of improvement. Firstly, there's a lot of spelling/grammar errors. Also, the plot could use some touching up, since it seems weird that Kurenai would just start acting mean towards Hinata (granted I know some of our stories do tend to stray from 100% canon/on character behavior).
Overall, a nice start. It'll be interesting to see where this goes.
Author's Response: yeah for kurenia i am trying to build upon the story, it will make sense at the end.
the last writer: http://www.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/1363887/map/1132
Author's Response: yeah i go by the last writer, thought i bring it over here kinda disappointed on what other people have added to that story, like one setences and all.