As far as "girl you just met casually taking a dump in front of you fantasy" stories go, this is a nice one. Elie is a great character for this and as far as I can remember, it's not much of a stretch from how she was in the anime. I like how she's totally open about everything and talks about it so naturally. Haru is a "neutral" and natural enough character (at least in this instance) that we can imagine ourselves in his place.
The setting is well described as usual, it refreshed my memories of the town from the anime. I could picture the shadowed place off the park trail in late evening where Elie squatted.
Wile I'm not sure we needed to know about Haru peeing, it done make the scene more realistic, kind of reminds me of the stuff you read on ToiletStool.
A cute bonding experience between two characters I had forgotten about.
The title and summary made me worry that this was going to be a highly sexual story, but instead it's quite innocent, and quite enjoyable. That is mainly because it features a kawaii childlike girl who is extremely straightforward about her bodily functions, even to the point of defecating in front of a boy "like it was no different than putting on a shoe" (great way of putting it, by the way).
But I also enjoyed the camraderie between the 2 main characters. You manage to be sweetly romantic without being sappy. I now realize I've been assuming Elie and Haru develop a romantic relationship in the anime (which I have of course not seen), although from your story I suppose it could also be a close platonic friendship. Haru's reactions of disbelief are also well-written. I especially like, "Haru stuttered, unable to piece together a reply, while Elie merely giggled, figuring on the possible responses he could say."
I have very few complaints. I can't even say this is too slight. It's brief and doesn't have many real events, but it also illustrates a turning point in the relationship between 2 well-depicted characters, which makes it carry a certain weight (I'm now resisting the urge to make a pun about how Elie "carries a certain weight"). A scene in the restaurant, or at least a more detailed summation, would be a good addition. Also, there are several misspellings and missing words. You spelled "unfazed" as "unphased," for instance.
But there's not much to criticize here. A nice little gem of a story.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it.
Yea, in the manga and Anime, the two of them develop a romantic relationship *or at least the Manga eventually did, the anime came to an abrupt end because of a lack of material for episodes*. If I had to say, you'd be better off reading the manga, but if you do watch the series, then probably go with subs since the dub is one of those Digimon-like ones where they stay true to the story, but they have added gags and censor some of the violence.
As for the shortness, I might try to add more to it later, but I felt it flowed nicely enough as it is.
Heh, wouldn't you think it'd be a wild night if you a girl you're starting to like pooped in front of you? :P
Author's Response:
True, Rangiku is far more voluptous than Elie, she's still really cute, you can't deny that. The Toilet Reapers was more of whim than a fully intended story, since I just couldn't figure out what to do, given the shows fairly straight forward style. This however had a nice little window given the episode Haru and Elie are gone for nearly half of it while Musica is hanging out with an old girlfriend.
Glad you enjoyed it, and stayed tune for my contest story!