My only complaint really would be the lack of a new (blank) line between paragraphs. I had to select the current paragraph to make it easier to read.
Anyway, great story. Here's looking forward to your next one :).
The rescue and fighting aren't bad, but I couldn't really get into it, because I haven't even heard of "Odin Sphere" outside of this story and your forum posts.
I usually quote sentences that I consider examples of fine writing, but in this case there are so many that it'd be a waste of space, especially since I've already covered the parts that most of the sentences come from. But I will quote this part: "Unless she wanted to go outside and be apprehended by her former comrades, she would end up defecating in this outhouse one way or another. She would prefer to do it in the area dedicated to this purpose." Great way of putting it.
All in all, this is an enjoyable fic with meaningful character interplay. I can think of a couple suggestions which you can take or leave. Even I'm not sure if all of these would be improvements. You might want to spice up the part that takes place before the asterisks. You also might want to add more dialog and thoughts to the part with the buddy dump. It seems like the emotional issues sort of disappear once both women are on the bench, only to be picked up again at the very end. I'm also skeptical of Velvet's volume. You give the impression that she fills her panties with what would be normally be a complete bowel movement, and yet that's nothing compared to what she deposits in the outhouse hole. She's also been holding her pee for "several days." Maybe this would be more realistic if you explained her amazing capacity in some way (magic, perhaps).
Author's Response: a-HA! I knew I heard the words "mud sausage" somewhere before. That phrase was rattling around in my brain the entire time I was writing this story, but I couldn't remember where it had come from. So I just decided to use it. I hope you'll consider it an homage, rather than outright theft.
Nice. I have been meaning to pick this gem up for a while, but have never gotten a chance to. Oh well, one of these days I'll get a copy and enjoy this game.
As for the story, it's great, as usual. Nothing to really find fault in. Though I there might be a few spelling errors, I didn't notice anything immediately apparent.