This story has thoughtful descriptions and funny yet fairly believable dialog. But having such young girls wetting themselves takes the fun out of it (at least for me). Miu and Ana trying to psyche each other out was quite entertaining, and the end was funny. One hour seems like a pretty short span of time for a holding contest, but then again these are pre-teen girls with little bladders. Besides that, you make one mistake that's very common in fics on this site. When Ana wets herself, you describe a wet patch appearing on the front of her shorts. Girls wet in the back, not the front (judging by the photographs I've seen).

You're a good writer, and I look forward to reading more from you (especially if it features older characters).

Author's Response:

Fair enough.  I'm a lolicon through and through, and my handful of stories have reflected that, but I'll work on ideas for older characters :)  The rest of the advice is well taken - I'll see if I can tweak the story appropriately.

(How old would you like to see?  High school?  College?  Older?  I'm definitely interested in expanding my repertoire...)