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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
This is such a fun character piece that the fact that Naru is using the toilet seems incidental. I enjoyed this greatly the one time I read it before, and it seems even better now. I don't know whether that's because it's been revised or because I'm noticing more of the nuances now.

It captures the anime perfectly, and seems authentically Japanese. You pay a lot of attention to the details, and not just of the pooping and peeing. All the characters are portrayed well, especially Naru and Su-chan. You give a great visual description of Kaolla Su followed by an exchange that captures her goofy randomness well.

The description of Naru bending over and straining is one of the high points. It's amazing for a few reasons (which you can probably guess). Then I should mention the very last line, and also the double entendres in the first paragraph. I guess that sums up the main parts of this story that I enjoyed.

Now I'll point out a couple mistakes. You repeatedly misspell Motoko's name. It also seems odd how you call Konno Mitsune "Mitsune" even though she's almost always called "Kitsune" in the show and manga. As for real complaints, I can only think of one. It feels like something's missing when you have every major character walk in on Naru besides Shinobu. However I can understand leaving her out, since it's unlikely so many people would happen to walk in on Naru.

This is, simply put, one of the very best fanfics that I've ever read on any website. Great job!
Date: Sep 03, 2009 01:18 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Still as awesome as I remember. I guess you didn't make any changes aside from more sensible spacing and any possible spelling mistakes. Overall, I can't really find any fault with this.

Though if you ever do choose to make a 'Director's Cut' version, I'd love to see it :D

Hope this little retread will get you into doing more stories.

Date: Aug 28, 2009 07:29 pm [Report This]
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