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Title: Chapter 1- The Contest Begins! Reviewer: doneilababyfart Signed
lol
Date: Jun 14, 2012 05:12 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2- A Very Messy Trick Reviewer: slaudone Signed
i love this!!! i want chapter 3!!
Date: May 04, 2012 11:08 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2- A Very Messy Trick Reviewer: packrat Signed
Impressive.  That was an interesting concept to come up with.  A holding contest disguised as an exam.  I am impressed.  I especially like the descriptiveness of the desperation.  I'm looking forward to chapter 3.
Date: Oct 08, 2010 07:13 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2- A Very Messy Trick Reviewer: battou Signed

Come on wheres cahp 2

suggestion:Maybe you could have ino try to take out sakura now ino could use her mind transfer jutsu and have sakura pull off her panties and bra throw them on inos messy area rub them in it and have her start peeing and crapping on her panties?maybe?

Date: Sep 23, 2010 06:37 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1- The Contest Begins! Reviewer: S.T. the Kitsune Signed
good start, hopefully you can be in character with all the females.
Date: Aug 19, 2010 11:32 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2- A Very Messy Trick Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
I was going to complain that Ino's body should have lost control when she left it, but then I read on and that's exactly what happened! Very fun. The description of her wetting is very good, and the description of Hinata's desperation is likewise enjoyable. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Everything else I have to say has pretty much been said already.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I'm glad you have enjoyed the story so far, Chapter 3 may take a bit of time due to writers block....lol. Also working on other stories as well that will be posted on the site shortly.
Date: Jul 21, 2010 01:37 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2- A Very Messy Trick Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed
Not too bad, but again it feels lacking in some areas. Namely Ino's decision seems too underhanded, especially for her. I mean, she may be a bit of bitch, but she's grown past that since the first act of the series. Also, the dialogue seems to jump from one character to another almost with no warning, making it a bit confusing when one character talks and then another chimes in right after.
Date: Jul 21, 2010 12:31 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1- The Contest Begins! Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Definately a lot better now with the spacing. But I will point out a few lines here and there seem off (like the phrases used, and some grammar) and could use some further touching up. Also, I still think Tsunade disappearing their clothes with a jutsu just seems silly, it might have made sense to use a device (like the table recedes into the floor).

Overall, it's a whole lot better and understandable from the blob of text it previously was.

Date: Jul 20, 2010 11:04 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2- A Very Messy Trick Reviewer: Anime Lover Signed
hehe! that was awesome! Ino didn't quite think her plan through

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it! =) Working on Chapter 3 will be out asap.
Date: Jul 20, 2010 08:24 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1- The Contest Begins! Reviewer: Anime Lover Signed
nice start. I'm looking forward to reading more
Date: Jul 16, 2010 11:16 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1- The Contest Begins! Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
Not much to say yet. I like the setup, and how you described each girl's undies. Im sure I'll have more to say when there are more chapters posted.
Date: Jul 15, 2010 03:22 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1- The Contest Begins! Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

I like the premise, but you seriously need to to do some editing. This giant blurb of text is just irritating on the eyes and makes it difficult to keep up with where everything is. Also you could try and tweak some elements, having the girls be asked to leave their belongings somewhere else without any indication as to why.

Overall, it's got promise, it just needs some work/revision.



Author's Response:

Thank you for the review Orpheum, I am working on the editing not only for this chapter but future ones as well, as a new writer this is definitely something I want to improve on. I also appreciate comments on tweaking some themes I have. You should see a reason behind what I did with the clothes later though. =P

Date: Jul 14, 2010 11:52 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1- The Contest Begins! Reviewer: goldenargo86 Signed
Looks good I can't wait for part II! I love Naruto Stories I can't seem to stop reading them :D

Author's Response: Haha thank you, part two should be finished within a few days, any ideas for it and other chapters are welcome.
Date: Jul 14, 2010 10:13 pm [Report This]
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