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Title: Peach takes the mushrooms Reviewer: Princess peach poop desperation Anonymous
EFROdian
Date: Aug 17, 2014 12:27 pm [Report This]
Title: Peach takes the mushrooms Reviewer: EFROdian Signed
Some grammar issues here and there, some ocasional spelling errors, a bit rushed at parts, a bit vague at times, but overall, not a bad first attempt.  Keep trying, you'll get better.  You may want to sort of revamp this particular story as well.  Right now, it's a bit rough around the edges, but smooth those away, add a bit of polish, and you'll have a real gem!  Good luck!
Date: Sep 25, 2010 01:22 am [Report This]
Title: Peach takes the mushrooms Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

It's not a bad first effort. But it's awfully short and quick. For one, you kinda hurry through descriptions, not allowing any time for atmosphere to build, and the desperation parts just seem all too abrupt, not even allowing for Peach to have some especially embarrasshing mishaps.

Finally, the pooping seemed really quick, barely even touched upon almost.

It's still neat, but could certainly use some fleshing out and expanding (pun unintended :P)

Date: Sep 24, 2010 08:19 pm [Report This]
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