I read this before, but only remembered the general feelings as I read it tonight.


Chris seems to decide to soil herself too easily, which bothered me at first, but once I was finished I realized that was kind of the point. Still, maybe you could make her conflict greater.


Some more description of her armor would be nice. You make it sound like she can just easily take her panties on and off with nothing blocking, which doesn't seem right. All the pictures I could find have her skirt covering her waist down to a little above her knees, but it still looks like she has plate armor over her thighs, and the other characters seem to have it covering their crotches as well. It seems like examining her panties would be a longer process, as would uncovering herself to relieve herself on the ground. That would help explain why she soils herself so readily, and add a unique element to this story. It's not every panty-poop fic where the girl is wearing metal armor, and you should take full advantage of that.


And one more problem: You wrote "viscous" when you meant "vicious."


So far I've focused on the negative elements, but I enjoyed this story very much. I don't know "Suikoden" much, but I've done some image searching. Chris Lightfellow looks dainty, beautiful, and pure. The kind of woman I can barely believe pees and poops. You describe her qualities well, and make her seem more captivating than her pictures even. It gives me a bit of a thrill imagining this fair-haired, fair-skinned, soft-faced maiden defile her pure white panties.


You also describe the scenery well, helping me visualize the scene. As you probably know by now, this is something I look for in fics. And the desperation and intentional accident get top-notch descriptions, of course. I also like how you tie it into a past accident. It could make a nice prequel, although, doing a little math, I see she'd be pretty far on the Loli side.


But more than that, I want to know what happens next! Even if her accident is a mere footnote and there is no more peeing or pooping, I feel like I want to follow this character's adventure.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Everytime I re-read the story, I find myself thing the same thing... that she decides to give up too easily. In any case, knowledge of the Suikoden series isn't necessary for this story. In fact, I never actually intended for it to be set in the world of Sukioden III. The character was supposed to based on Chris in appearance only, but as I got to wiriting it I couldn't come up with names and decided I may as well just set it in that universe. Thanks for the review.

Hey it's this story! This is one of my favorites ever.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it.