What can I say. Good story, good plot, and it really plays the emotions of it's readers with rage and success. The accident was kind of sudden. A little more squirming and spurting could have hinted us better. If you're at the point of wetting yourself you're leggs would be pressing inwards, you wouldn't be standing up streight and you couldn't hold still to save you're life. The accident itself went by a little too quickly. Some detail on how the urine streamed down in several randome directions or how the wet spot crawled across her pants or how the puddle grew under her feet would drag it on to atisfaction, even though those are rather common ways of doing it, but perhapse you were appealing to a different kind of audience who dosn't want all that detail. Just a short and sweet wetting.
The story itself will win the hearts of manny people. The way that other team teased her so bad and how her outraged team kicked their butt, and how she made history anyways was simply great. My favorite part was when Kawking and her boy freind were carried by their fans, or team. "You have laundry to do tonight honey." Their's no better way to end a story then with a kiss.
Sorry if that wasn't completely accurate in terms of what happend. I don't read that well and I fail to pick up on cirtain details. Great story.
Author's Response: Thanks a lot, am trying to work on added details potentially.