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Title: Heroics ain't pretty Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed
Interesting little take on the experince. Seems like we don't get a lot of stories with multiple girls at once. Though I would say the fourth-wall stuff seems a bit inconsistant. One moment it sounds like Bulma is unaware of being in a comic/show, the next she is. And really, this would have been a goldmine for quips with the creator. While it's anyone's guess if Toriyama is as perverted as we are (though I like to think he might be :P), it would have been funny to see Bulma maybe do something like try and reject a sequence or beg for omission of the accident, with her startlingly remembering it all.
Date: Jul 14, 2012 02:55 am [Report This]
Title: Heroics ain't pretty Reviewer: Poowrite Anonymous

Wow. This story... this was really outstanding. Great build up to the accidents, and great desperation sequences and messing sequences.

Breaking the fourth wall early on kinda threw me off a bit, and I was glad that you didn't do it often in the story.

Overall, very well done. I really enjoyed this.



Author's Response:

Thanks a lot! You'll notice that it's only the narration that breaks the fourth wall early on. Bulma does so once as well, but it's near the end. And as you may know, the Dragonball manga also does similar things in the first arc, such as characters discussing what kind of jokes are too dirty for the magazine it's published in.

Date: Mar 17, 2012 01:38 am [Report This]
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