Reviews For Loaded and Ready
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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: HaloAnime Signed
Jimmy, it is a round robin, why do you ask?
Date: Aug 16, 2012 08:13 pm [Report This]
Title: Mission: Indigestible Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
I submitted a review for this chapter, but it disappeared. I don't want to retype it all, I'll just say this is well-written and takes the story somewhere I never would have imagined.
Date: Jul 18, 2012 05:34 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Really needs some fixing. But that's just me I suppose.

Date: Jul 03, 2012 12:40 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed
Interesting, but feels a little less in quality from the initial set up, not as mysterious. And the whole reason seems sort of silly, a trained soldier only able to be sharp when desperate? Just doesn't click for me.
Date: Jul 03, 2012 12:38 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed
Interesting premise, though I feel it could use a little more detail, especially since it's you who enjoys making a lot of details for things. Also, a few spelling errors, but nothing severe.
Date: Jul 03, 2012 12:36 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Poowrite Signed
Jimmy, the idea itself seems intriguing, I have to admit, and the first chapter is written as brillantly as I've come to expect from you. But, I'm not really sure where anyone would go with it. Maybe I'm a dunce, but I'm having a hard time seeing any reason a mission would require ten girls to have full bowels that can be released on demand. And why that mission has to be such a secret.

HaloAnime, the spelling errors do distract from the story, I'm afraid. Other than that, I really don't have a problem with the reasoning behind their full bowels. A giant bag of smelly pooh would probably be a pretty decent distraction :).

Author's Response: I have a few ideas for what they could be up to, but don't let that stop anyone from using their own. I imagine different authors could write parallel continuations where the reasons are different. I'm not sure if this is an official military mission or something more informal (which the leader may be taking way too seriously). It might be a test to see if they can focus and perform while under physical stress, or just a test to see if they trust the leader well enough to follow her orders without question even if they can't understand any purpose to them. Or they might be pledging themselves to some special secret sect, and have to show their commitment by relinquishing their privacy. Or they might be vandalizing or desecrating something for some reason. Maybe a practical joke, or pychological warfare, or for some kind of occult reasons. In a universe with magic or deities, or even just strong superstition, that could have real significance. Or maybe they're part of a stealth strike and their enemies use giant scarab beetles as guard dogs. They won't sound the alert if they're distracted by the sudden appearance of steaming piles of food in every direction. Something similar could work with killer plants that will temporarily drop their carnivorous behavior if fertilizer is readily available. There are a lot of different ways for a writer to continue this.
Date: Jul 01, 2012 10:42 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: Paytonzane3 Signed
Can't say anything except what already has been said.
Date: Jul 01, 2012 05:21 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Paytonzane Signed

If I had to give my honest opinion about this...

Chapter 1 is a great example of how a person can set up a person or story for greatness. Chapter 2 is what happens when the person who gets set up "drops the ball". Honestly? HaloAnime, did you even run your story through a spell-checker? "cature", "Hav", "kp", "backto", not to mention multiple lower-case I's, "to NOT to", "feeling ill kp" which translates to "feeling will keep", a random "A." in the middle of a thought("...is this. A. The discomfort..."), and improper usage of "there" throughout the entire passage, which should be "their" as in the belonging form, not the location/placement form. 

And by the way, military time is written in four numbers, the "oh-six-hundred" you might hear is 0600. 1700 is "seventeen hundred hours". There is no such thing as "oh-seventeen hundred hours". 

And with the trivial things out of the way, let's talk about the story itself. It was less than 200 words, which barely advanced the plot, all it did was explain the whole "full bowels" thing and have them sleep. Also, the premise of your idea makes no sense. A trained soldier would already have the discipline to keep a clear mind and focus on the mission, and in the heat of battle full bowels would distract a soldier even more than a fleeting though!

All in all, this chapter was horrid. It was like you got an idea, wrote in on the site instead of in a word processor and copy+pasting it after a spell check, and didn't even bother looking over your work. 

Date: Jul 01, 2012 01:26 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: verkov22 Signed
dumbest reasoning for full bowels that i have ever heard
Date: Jun 30, 2012 07:12 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: BlueSniper Signed
I really like the open invitation. Is it bad that I immediately want to write a story about poor Sonya? In any case, it's a very intriguing scenario.

Author's Response: You can write a side-story about her if you want! It doesn't really matter if there are multiple contradictory responses to this. F.W.I.W. this was loosely inspired by the true (probably fake) story of a sorority whose members have to surrender their privacy in an initiation ceremony where they all poop in full view of every member. If a girl fails to hold it in until the ceremony, she can be cast out.
Date: Jun 30, 2012 12:07 am [Report This]
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