You must login (register) to review.
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: marader4 Signed
Probably abit of a late review, but great story and any chance of seeing this character used more in the future?
Date: Apr 10, 2013 07:21 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Jimmy Olsen Signed
Very entertaining! It moves very quickly. You take time to describe each phase of her physical problem, but everything else is dealt with in as few words as possible. You do a good job of avoiding a ton of exposition at the beginning while still allowing us to understand what's going on. On the other hand, a few places might benefit from dwelling on the current situation a little more. She tries something, it causes a new problem, and she tries something new. It jumps from one thing to another so quickly that it's sometimes had to follow, and hard to appreciate the moment. But for the most part this is well-paced and well-described. I love the imagery you provide for her bladder. Her hypothetical scenario toward the beginning is also a wonderful image, even though it doesn't come to pass in the story.

This isn't what I imagined when I made the challenge, but it's good in its own way. I never could have dreamed up a story quite like this.

You should write a scene showing what you have in the chapter end notes. I'd love to read her embarrassed explanation, and her disposal of the megadiaper. It could also be fun to hear from the people who witnessed her fiery mooning. Basically I would just love to see this continued, and see more humiliation. The story you have so far wouldn't work if there were other characters present with Arie, but it would be nice to see reactions and aftermath. And who knows? Maybe there's still more trouble in Arie's tummy.

Author's Response: I've actually been thinking of writing just that, partly out of making up for the jittery exposition in between rituals, like a half-length epilogue of sorts. I wrote this a while back before I knew what pacing was, but figured it'd serve a better purpose out here even if I wasn't 100% happy with what I made. Thanks for the compliments though!
Date: Aug 19, 2012 12:29 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Anime Lover Signed
wonderful story and very amusing as well ^_^
Date: Aug 17, 2012 03:25 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Toasty Signed
I don't know what it is about your stories, but the protagonists are always very...adorable. Very endearing. Even when they're in the middle of taking a massive dump in their pants (as they so often are), I kind of just want to give them a hug. I guess some people would call it moe.

Whatever it is, I LIKE it! *smashes mug on the ground* ANOTHER!

I mean...keep up the good work!
Date: Aug 15, 2012 07:14 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Xeono Signed
I like the unique setting. Also, I loved all the details with the magic. Very entertaining story. Keep it up!
Date: Aug 15, 2012 02:18 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Not a half bad story. Can't really think of much to find fault in.

Date: Aug 15, 2012 01:37 am [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: sonic Signed
I really liked your story. Especially the farting bits. I would to see more of her or there female leads in gassy and brown situations. Great job!
Date: Aug 14, 2012 05:31 pm [Report This]
Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: hiddenname150 Signed
Great Uniqe story great job.
Date: Aug 14, 2012 04:03 am [Report This]
You must login (register) to review.