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Title: The AVALANCHE Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Awesome. Didn't expect to see this chapter get a tune-up as well. Actually quite nice, since each scene does feel more different, and the added bonus will satisfy any who wanted more than just crap :P

 

A few spelling errors here and there "TOO Garnet", not "two", lol

But nothing serious.

 

Anyway, some additional ideas for that Zidane x Garnet thing I mentioned. Since it seems like Garnet is most an anal virgin (at least to my understanding), perhaps after you have her return home, she willingly gives it up to Zidane, while showing what her royal tush can dish out before hand... and then getting a butt full of Zidane's tail, maybe even with some quip like "you said liked having a tail, I'm just lending you mine." XP

 

Still, great work as always.



Author's Response:

I'm glad you're happy with the changes and additions, my plan was to edit this chapter, but I didn't want to change this one without the first.

and in this story, Garnet isn't really an anal virgin, she's just very 'reserved' when it comes to sex around other people, especially those like Yuna and Rikku, so open and eager about it, except Zidane.

I was a little concerned about including a yuri scene in a 'fetish' fic, cause, people would read this for the pooping, not really the sex. Not to mention you wanted a scat fic, not a sex one. In my initial version of the fic, particularly, chapter two, I tried to make Yuna and Garnet's orgasms purposly less descriptive than I usually do, so it wouldn't be too distracting from the main theme of the fic.

Clearly, though, for the edit, I made the orgasms a little more descriptive and I actually included a sex scene.

Actually, I wanted to include a small masturbation scene with Garnet at the end of the first chapter, but I reluctantly decided against it.

Date: Aug 05, 2013 08:46 pm [Report This]
Title: The Princess Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Fantastic additions. I liked the extra "molestations" of Garnet's body. Plus the little thoughts from her did help better. Still a few spelling errors (arn't instead of "aren't") but nothing major.

 

Can't wait to see what comes next in this little series.

Date: Aug 03, 2013 02:30 am [Report This]
Title: The AVALANCHE Reviewer: ruffryder Signed
Great chapter i really enjoyed it
Date: Aug 01, 2013 01:12 pm [Report This]
Title: The AVALANCHE Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Another great chapter. Though I think the pooping could be a bit longer, heheheh. If anything, at least for Tifa's going, maybe even with comments from the girls just before the finish.

 

Also, neat little nod to my one story with Yuna orgasming from her load. It is pretty cool to think some girls do at least dribble a bit when they pass a monster. :)

 

Anyway, a few typos like before, but nothing really distracting. Also, you should probably add in the pantypoop tag in the category markers just so people know it's there if they see the story.

 

Nice take on the challenge, and hopefully there'll be more. If you're interested in some ideas, you could always do a spin-off with Garnet showing off her new "talents" to Zidane when she gets home and "entertains" him. ;)



Author's Response:

Yeah, the pooping could've been longer, but I was worried that with five different pooping scenes, they would all start to seem the same and the last thing I want is someone reading to feel like they read the same thing before.

But I amy happy that each pooping scene was about a page in length, so that's roughly five pages of pooping over fifteen pages, which I think is pretty good.

I actually read the fic with Yuna coming from her pooping after I did Yuna's scene, but I liked the unintintional refrence, since YRP's pooping contest in this series is largly based on you and poowrites fics, like you said before, it's a 'non-canon'.

Although, I did particularly like doing Yuna and Garnet's scenes, it was a nice change from the usual just pooping. I liked Garnet's even more so, with her realising she was getting sexual gratification from her pooping, yet dreading it as well and ultimatly climaxing powerfully and feeling humiliated.

I couldn't reamimber though if Garnet liked Zidane, there was one line I had for Garnet about Zidane, but couldn't remimber what their relationship was.

Date: Jul 31, 2013 04:07 am [Report This]
Title: The Princess Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Very nice. Interesting twist with the dark forces thing, though I guess you did have kind of plot in mind with these sudden crossovers. Perhaps you should do a prequel bit sometime, to show how it all started.

 

Anyway, there are some typos here and there, but nothing too distracting.

 

Also, should totally add in more Rikku using al-bhed to talk privately with Yuna. :)



Author's Response:

I actually thought the beginning was a bit too dark for the kind of 'fun' fic this was, but I wanted to show that the problem they faced was a serious threat.

and I thought about having Rikku speak in Al-bhed, but I just decided against it, there wasn't really anything that Rikku wanted to tell Yuna privately in this fic, like she did with the first one.

Date: Jul 31, 2013 03:36 am [Report This]
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