Nice to see you added more descriptions using analogies/similes, those are great as long as you don't over use them.
I liked the original short ending, but this is much better. It made me smile.
Not totally perfect yet, but I think you got rid of the “rushed” feeling.
Really, still some words missing? I can't imagine that since the new program I use is crazy uptight about how I phrase things and correcting things like "she can't" with "she can not" even though they barely matter if you ask me. So sure, if you could point out the exact missing words, by all means.
And good to know you enjoyed it more than before. Though I guess I should ask where you think it could use more fleshing out. I had thought maybe more stuff with Tenchi and Sasami after Ryoko leaves, but I wasn't sure if that'd drag things out a bit too much with them just collecting carrots.