Would say the biggest thing that needs work is the descriptions, things such as "like it was cut up by a chainsaw maniac" just don't really set a mood, but sound more like a casual descriptor of things in conversation. Also, the dumpings could be longer and more involved, plus the character interactions should be more accurate to each one.
Author's Response: Alright, made the chapter longer
Really needs some work. For one, if you want the characters to meet up, you should have that happen in the first chapter, that way, the readers have a better starting point. Doing it short like this makes it feel more like something that would be better off in the interactive stories section.
Author's Response: Alright, thanks guys, I'll do just that