The biggest problem here actually is probably the easiest fixed, the wall of text really needs to be broken up into paragraphs. If your having trouble with the site formatting here's what I do. Left facing arrow < then lower case "p" then a right facing arrow > No spacing. That at the start of every paragraph should get around any format issues
Lastly, even though this is essentially a work of fan fiction you still should work on setting. Tell us who she is, where she is, why she's escaping. It'll really help with the quality of the piece.
Well, that's all for now. I wish you luck and happy writing