My only criticism of the content is that I'm not clear where she was before she came home. Scenery descriptions would help.
You wanted me to list the mistakes I could find, so here they are. The word "render" is still there where I think you mean "rend," as in split or tear. You also say "bare" (meaning reveal) when you mean "bear" (meaning withstand). I think "fox-life" is supposed to be "fox-like," and "sigh" should be "sight."
Originally she's like 10-12 in the Japanese and English versions respectively, though to be honest she did seem almost 13 with the detail they gave to her butt (I mean they make it pretty round in some shots :P) but yea I figured it'd be nice to at least advance her age so others wouldn't feel as awkward about it.
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes. If you spot any more in the digimon stories (which I've updated a few of with replacement chapters), I'm all ears.