Title: 1-Messy Mirelurkin Reviewer: OrpheumZero Signed

Quick and to the point, which is nice. But it does need work. It feels like it could use more build-up and tension as the desperation comes into play, maybe with some near accidents during a few fights. Also, it would help to give the description of Aurora a bit earlier, or at least fix it so there's more detail about her body and the suit she's in so it's not just a brief quip about her looks. 



Author's Response: Thank you Orpheum, I shall endeavor to remedy that in later chapters
Date: Nov 16, 2015 02:55 am [Report This]
Title: 1-Messy Mirelurkin Reviewer: Ariana321 Signed

Given the unhealthy nature of all of that old and irradiated food one wound find in the wasteland, I imagine that there could be quite a lot of diarrhea involved in this series, possibly even vomit as well. Fortunately I'm a huge fan of both, lol.

 

I look forward to reading more here! Its a good start!

 

 



Author's Response: More shall come
Date: Nov 15, 2015 11:04 pm [Report This]
Title: 1-Messy Mirelurkin Reviewer: Absolutelycrazy Signed
Don't insult him. He wrote something, it was good, and complaining about typos is nit picking.
Date: Nov 15, 2015 08:03 pm [Report This]
Title: 1-Messy Mirelurkin Reviewer: hiddenname150 Signed
Very good start.
Date: Nov 15, 2015 12:35 am [Report This]
Title: 1-Messy Mirelurkin Reviewer: whatthat Signed
You might want to proof read that, you've written the first sentence twice!

TBH, this isn't your best. I know you write short stories, but I think you attempted to cover a lot of ground with too little words, so it feels like a rush.

As a Fallout 3 fan, I remember this quest arc well, so I'm glad someone wrote a tribute to a great series.

Author's Response: Thanks you whatthat, this was just a little intro to the main tale. I shall continue this fic, with hopefully longer chapters
Date: Nov 14, 2015 10:26 pm [Report This]


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