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Title: Dragon Age Origins:Morrigan and Leliana's bowel troubles Reviewer: Khory122484mm Signed
I really really loved this!! You have to make another story with these characters. And maybe next time they could be on the same toilet together
Date: Mar 27, 2016 03:13 pm [Report This]
Title: Dragon Age Origins:Morrigan and Leliana's bowel troubles Reviewer: MrMoow Signed
I really don't mean to be a dick but... Did you take English in school?

I ask because you don't seem to know basic grammar, either that or you don't care. For instance, there needs to be a space after each comma, there's a huge difference between "your" and "you're" and your stories are just big blocks of run on sentences that are hard to read. You also appear to never proofread your work, as it's littered with typos. I'd suggest researching writing tips online, and reading other stories to get a good grasp on these basic things. This isn't a casual chat with your friends on Skype, you're writing a story for other people to read and fap to.

Once again, I don't mean to be a dick, but you should at least put some kind of effort into something you're publishing online, be it a story, a blog post, a video, whatever. No one should expect perfection in their smut, but give the folks browsing and publishing on this site enough respect to take a look at your work and try to present something legible.

I can see great stories and ideas in your work, but you need to lure them out and give them a good polishing. I hope I haven't demoralized you, I really want to see more authors here (hypocritical of me to say, seeing as I haven't published in quite some time), and I hope you're dedicated enough to refine your craft and give us your true best. My advice to you is read other stories, not just from here, take a few solid looks at your work after you're done, and see where you can improve. I hope to see more from you.

Author's Response: After reading your review i have heavily edited the story of the problems i made. My apologies for seeming like i was an illiterate who didnt know english( i am american), i was focused on trying to get the characters right as well as their interactions with each other so they didnt seem generic, i appreciate your input and understand that i shouldve check on my writing more often thanks again for your review,hope i didnt annoy you with my spelling, will improve in the future thanks
Date: Mar 25, 2016 02:52 am [Report This]
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