I truly am mind blown. This story is on a whole new level compared to your other ones. Mostly correct English and grammar deserves an applause becase your other stories lack that.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!I did put a lot more time into this one!
Date: Oct 02, 2016 07:56 am [Report This]
Pretty entertaining, though I would think Annie's mindset would be more methodical and cold, given her tough demeanor. Beyond that, I would say maybe some more scene could happen between her search for a bathroom and trying to claim rights to the pot in the restaurant, perhaps with someone trying to pull a "Paying customers, only" and Annie harshly saying if she messes her pants and titans attack, she'll be at a disadvantage and unable to save the people properly.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I guess I could have thought of a scene like that but I tried to focus on the action a bit more.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I guess I could have thought of a scene like that but I tried to focus on the action a bit more.
Date: Sep 26, 2016 04:00 pm [Report This]
There is some major improvements in this one compared to your previous ones. Congrats! If you need some more pointers, I would recommend to try and reduce the number of line breaks. Its not a crime to have more than 2 sentences per paragraph. Also try to mix up your sentence order. Most of them start with She or The.
Author's Response: I will try to mix up the sentences since I can agree it gets pretty repetitive.Thanks for the review.
Author's Response: I will try to mix up the sentences since I can agree it gets pretty repetitive.Thanks for the review.
Date: Sep 25, 2016 10:01 am [Report This]