Make an alternate one where she full blown wets herself

This was a great story!  I liked every aspect (including the nickname, I didn't see anything wrong with it), although I did want to see Sal Roma (I understood that she was an older version of Sara Lom right away; the anagram was a huge hint) mess with Amy, Beth, and especially Suzi somehow.  I especially liked your description of the time travel theory as well as the thearical and technical knowledge you showed.  Will there be other stories to follow in this one's footsteps?  Keep it up!

Author's Response: I figured the anagram would give it away if anyone caught it. I don\'t think revenge is in Sara\'s character, but the bullies deserve to be \"messed with.\" rnrnI fon\'t plan on any more like this one, but I\'m glad you liked it.

This was predictable but lots of fun. My favorite power-over-pee story so far.

I usually paste a couple sentences I think are really good, but in this case there are too many to list. Lots of good descriptive sentences and good dialog all around. On the other side of things, I have noticed that your pee fics often talk about a girl's "burning urethra," and you use the same words here again. It's not a bad description, but using it so much makes it kind of annoying for me.

My big question about this story is, why is Sara Lom called Sara Roma in the future? There's no mention of her being married and she's referred to as "Ms." I can't figure that one out.

I liked the part about Sara talking to Brad, because I've been in that same situation, putting off toilet needs to talk to a girl I like for as long as possible. I actually thought you could have made more out of that scene. But yeah, the desperation is good. You describe the liquid going into her system before it coming out is a plot point, which I like. I did think the part after school got out but before she talked to Brad drug on a little bit.

One little nitpick: the girls force-feed Sara water for "ten minutes" then "several more minutes," and it makes her have to pee more. I don't think water can get from the stomach to the bladder that quick.

Okay, the time travel plot point is in the center of the story, and it's good, but I think it could have been handled better. After thousands of words worth of Ms. Roma being depicted as mysterious we suddenly get a huge dump of info as if the story just had an enema (sorry, couldn't resist the metaphor). I think the explanation at the end should be much shorter. Like, you talk about the aliens landing and even describe them when all you had to say was "With the help of alien technology, quantum mechanics came to be applied to many aspects of human life," or something like that. And isn't "Sectoids" the name of a race in a video game? The explanation of Sara's future life is creative and not so over-wordy, but I have issues with her nickname. Like, why Japanese? Why wouldn't the bullies just call her "Ms. P" or something like that? What I'm trying to get at is, although the epilog (what I'm calling the last eight hundred-some words) conveys information necessary to the story and are creative and often well-worded, I would have written it in a dramatically different way.

But I don't want you to come away from this review thinking that I think this story is seriously flawed. It has a place in my top 10 pee and/or poop-related stories. I just see some room for improvement in your storytelling. Keep writing and achieve your potential! ^_^

Author's Response: I didn\'t realize I over used \"burning urethra\" but it kinda frustrates me, since repeating words and phrases is usually something I look for in proofreading.rnrnI\'m not seeing where I refered to Sal Roma as Sara Roma. I re-read the ending and didn\'t see it, but if I did it was a typo. I only picked Sal Roma as the name because it\'s an anagram of Sara Lom.rnrnThe scene setting up the lights before the conversation with Brad may have been unecessary but it was there the give her a chance to drink something and get desperate.rnrnI don\'t know how else I might have handled the \"enema of information.\" It seemed more wrong to me to leave things with an simple, short explaination. I mean, in eleven years we\'ve achieved time travel, I think that warrants some sort of explaination :). To me, the difference between good Sci-Fi and great Sci-Fi (and time travel is a Sci-Fi element) is an explaination that has it\'s basis in science fact. Maybe I didn\'t achieve that, but it\'s what I was shooting for.rnrnYes, Sectoids come from X-Com: UFO Defense (aka enemy unknown). It was Sectoids or Grays, and Grays seems like a racist term to me. So I went with Sectoids. A little unoriginal, but seemed fitting.rnrnIf there were one thing I\'d change about the story it would probably be the nickname. I realized it didn\'t really fit in the world shortly after the first reviews and it didn\'t really seem right to change a contest entry after people started rating it.rnrnWell, I\'m glad you liked it so much. I wasn\'t sure, since you seemed to have more complaints than compliments ^~. Hopefully I\'ll improve as time goes by.

That was pretty clever using time travel.

I liked it ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it :).