I love this story it's one of my favs I love all of the characters the plots and the desperations =)

Not bad, FallenStar tells me this is "ver yold" (his words, not mine) and I try to take that into consideration while reviewing.

The sex scene at the beginning is good and the description of the ruined city isn't bad either.

Everything seems to happen very quickly. A host of characters are introduced without any backstory and very little introduction. Why is Suki bleeding? She mentions fighting. What was she fighting and why?

I know you both have come a long way since this one, I just thought I'd point out that without the prior knowledge of the story that I have, I would have been totally lost.

That being said, based on this chapter it seems to have a more coherent plot than either DKC and the RP I am involved in with FS. Things are happening, if very quickly, and I like that.

Also: Thank you for not including the name tags. They really hurt the story's realism :).