Not bad it was an alright story.
I don't know about a lot of people, but I prefer the girls in stories I read to have personality! That's why I don't watch Joyangeles too much.
This story had personality. All the characters were developed, and distinctive (not really deep, but they don't have to be), and the story made sense.
Good detail, and it sounded believable.
My only issue was that it wasn't in the "DBZ Style," but sometimes stories are better without being written in the style of the show. I personally liked this, even with the minor spelling errors throughout.
10/10 for awesome.
Author's Response: What you read before was probably the first part that stood incomplete for almost two years until I added the end just recently.
I'm glad, (and honestly amazed), that people seem to like this so much. Maybe I can't appreciate it because I'm too close and had to ponder every twist and turn rather that just sitting back and watching it unfold like you can. If someone else had put this up, I would probably like it better.
I could probably die happy if I ever saw this type of extended, natural toilet pooping scene in a mainstream anime. It wouldn't even need the "bowl cam" view, just some side shots of the girls butts hugging porcelain and some nice sound effects.
As for a follow -up... I will do more stories, and maybe even another one with the Dragon Ball universe sometime, but I think I blew all my Videl ideas on this one. Baring some divine inspiration, no direct sequel in sight.
BTW, I like that name. I wish more people knew and used the term EFRO rather that having to stumble around and say "girls in toilet/bathroom related activities" every time.
Author's Response: Thanks, that actually means a lot to me coming from you. Your old stoies are one of the big reasons I got into writing at all. I really do respect you and value your opinions. If nothing else, I will do another one for you.
Really good, I don't think it was rushed or anything. For one, there aren't many buddy dump stories here. And a few of them are lost (like the one with Mercury and Jupiter? going together).
Great work!
Author's Response: Thank you. A buddy dump was the only way I could think of to add interest to the actual toilet sceans so it wasn't just "girl sits and poops", (not that there's anything wrong with that). I don't remember ever seeing any Mercury and Jupiter story unless it's very old. If it was really Jupiter I would love for you to recreate that one, (or just make something up.)
This is an instant classic, Videl being a fine example of cute pooping girls.
Well, off to the second chapter! *Woop woop woop*
Your descriptions of the deed were top-notch, and I liked the way that Videl warmed up to the other ladies in the room. I've never sat in on a female buddy dump, but I imagine it probably would have went something like that. Also, kudos for not leaving out the paper work!
I did catch a few grammer errors here and there. "Weighted" instead of "waited" in the fifth paragraph, for example.
Outside of that, great job. Well worth the wait :).
P.S.
I was all grins at what I assumed was a nod to "Gohan and Videl's First Tender Moment" in the third paragraph :).
Author's Response:
Thank you, I wrote parts of that ending so fast I may have to reread them to remember how they went!
The buddy dump idea was inspired by an old, lost fic. from the original site. (I have a hard copy but no scanner, sorry everyone. I suppose I could type it in manually someday but I don't even know who did it.) It had a similar theme in being a "girl learns it's ok to poop in public bathrooms" story. I'm gad to hear you thought it was realistic, (it felt corny as hell writing it).
Though she wasn't on the character list, I used Angela from the throw-away anime only episode about Gohan's first date because she was the only other girl at the school ever named.
I believe "A job is never done until you finish the paper work." I see a lot of the stories here tend to skip over that part so I hoped nobody would be offended. That kind of thing could turn out sounding almost like scat if described wrong. Glad to hear someone liked it. Rest assured that all my future story will include details of cute anime girls wiping their butts.
I still think your Videl story blew mine totally out of the water, so this became sort of a prequel set in the same sub universe. Of course, there nothing that says they couldn't have happened in the main Dragonball universe too.
It was nice of you (and everyone) to say, but I don't hink anytihng could ever be worth that long a wait, (except Yarr's Azumanga story. *grin*)