I'd be proud if I were you, I was searching through Google to find Naruto body swap stories, when I found this. Always one to read new body swap stories when I can, I decided to read this, but I had to register first, so it is because of you that I got an account. I don't intend to read many stories on this site, because the summaries alone of most of them sicken me, and I won't make any stories on here. If you learn about any body swap stories, then please let me know. Could I please put this up on another site, but with a few changes? I'll let you know which site if you agree.
All in all, this story was great, Naruto gets stuck inside the body of the girl who likes him, but he doesn't know she does, when she has to use the restroom, he enjoys being in her body, before realizing that she has to go, then can't get back in his body, and was, in your own words "torn between not wanting Hinata to humiliate herself and his honor for her privacy", then there were the people who were in shock by how "Hinata" was acting, including Sakura (You could have done that in better detail though), then having fun with cleaning afterwards (but I do wonder what happened to Sakura), topped off with Hinata realizing that Naruto was in control of her and went for her, causing her to faint next to him. It sounds like something that could happen in the series. Although, a story where Naruto winds up in Hinata's body should have him at some point using her bloodline. You should make a sequel.
this story was just waiting to be writtin! quadruple thumbs up for cranking out this gem!
Instead, their interaction is brief, and there isn't much description of what "Hinata" does once her bowels are empty. I'm not even clear on what happened to Sakura. Logic would dictate that she would wait for a stall to open up, and thus still be around when a relieved "Hinata" emerges. But there's no further mention of her.
I also thought the part where he goes back to where his body is and reenters it was too quick. But I love the very ending, with Hinata realizing he took her dump and freaking out and fainting.
All in all, a cute and fun little story. ^_^
Author's Response: Well, this isn\'t the first Naruto story written by a Nyou author, Omnipresent has an excellent panty-poop/pee story starring Sakura floating around somewhere in the stories section of the image board (anonib.com/_nyou2)that to my knowledge holds that distinction, but I\'m glad you enjoyed it so much. Lol, Jiraya would kill to have this skill. They\'d have to make all the girls\' bathrooms in the Hidden Leaf Village one toilet only if he could do the mind swap jutsu. I know they would if I could do it!rnrnAs for continuing it, I don\'t know about that. I am working on a re-write that adds a lot and, hopefully, vastly improves it. I don\'t plan to feature any \"special drinks\" but I do get your drift and can assure you that I will be loosening up one of the ladies in the next version of the story.
Author's Response: When I first read the contest rules, I thought it was a great idea. I didn\'t realize how challenging it would be to write until I actually started. I think my solution worked pretty well. rnrnGlad you liked it, thanks for the review!
Author's Response: I wish something like this would actually happen in the anime.rnrnGlad you liked it :).
I don't think the humor felt tacked on at all. It was right in line with the series and literally made me LOL in some places. Naruto's reaction is the best because he's the kind of kid who would honestly believe that girls don't poop, and given that we never see them in the bathroom in the manga, maybe the artist dose too. Nice to see a little "reality" injected in this universe.
Like Aluru, I would have liked it longer with more interaction with the other girls and maybe Naruto showing more interest, but with stuff this good, you could fill a whole book and I would still want more. This "short" format gets the point across wile staying believable in and in character.
I had expected to have the end leave Hinata wondering for the rest of her life how she had blacked out taking that dump, but your ending was even better.
Is it just me or do parts of the first paragraphs remind me of the opening of "Pride and Privacy"? Both stories contain mentions of the needs of the two ends of a girl's digestive system and being able to use public restrooms but preferring not to take big dumps in them. These are fairly common ideas in these stories and I'm sure it's just a coincidence, but I would be honored if I inspired you at all.
Author's Response: I can assure you, I cut corners in this story. Still, I\'m thrilled you liked it so much. You\'re gonna give me a big head, Bones :).rnrnPersonally, I thought what humor there was was pretty accurate. I mean, I\'m sure there could have been more but I think what was there was pretty true to the roots. It was never my intention, but I\'m glad you laughed at it.rnrnI guess I never realized while I was writing the potential of the bathroom scene. There was a lot that could hav happened. Aluru\'s Sakura idea, Naruto reacting to the sounds and smells around him, etc.rnrnI wish I could tell you that Pride and Privacy had inspired the opening. I needed some reason for Hinata not to just go to the bathroom and, like you said, what I used is a common theme in these stories. Sorry to disappoint you :(.rnrnWell, I\'m glad you thought so highly of it and I thank you for the review. I hope future stories will continue to please :).
Author's Response: I tried to keep with the somewhat comical spirit of the show, but comedy isn\'t my strong suit.rnrnGlad you liked it though, thanks for the review!
This is a very sweet story! Many spelling errors aside (I know you hurriedly typed it though), that was just perfect. I especially appreciate the poop being soft. You know me too well... ^_^
Since 4 out of 5 stalls were occupied in the bathroom, I thought it would have been interesting to have Naruto/Hinata hear what the other girls were doing, but that's ok. Maybe even have him/her discover Jiraiya in there, doing "research", or maybe have him/her see Sakura sitting on a trash can upon exiting the stall (due to her urge rapidly increasing) for humor purposes if nothing else. I know this is stuff you may not have ever thought of including while typing this story, so don't worry about it. This story is great even without all that. =)
I think I need to fav this one. I never did so before because I feel I would just be neglecting the authors I don't favor. This is a special case, however. ;)
Author's Response: Well, I\'m glad you liked it. I tried to cater to you, since ir was originally your idea an\' all. We\'re there a lot of spelling errors. I probably didn\'t notice a lot of them because it flagged many of the words unique to the world.rnrnI like your ideas, the Sakura one especially, wish I had thought to incorporate something like that.rnrnAnyway, I\'m glad you liked it. It was pretty fun to write.
Brilliant! There's too few Naruto fictions (I need to get off my lazy ass and forged one, soon!) and this was no slouch.
I liked how you did it, and I think I might apply some of that to when I get around revising my story (I'll wait until the contest is completely over). Too bad we didn't get to see what Sakura had to do (granted you had it she 'didn't need to go too bad')
Excellent work as always.
Author's Response: There is a Naruto drought \'round these parts. Hopefully Omnipresent will post his Sakura story, that was awesome.rnrnIn anycase, I\'m glad you liked the story. In my mind, Sakura only had to pee. But I didn\'t dwell on her like I maybe should have. Oh well, maybe next time.rnrnThanks for the review!
Author's Response: Seemed like something she\'d do if she realized that anyone, Naruto especially, seen her moving her bowels.rnrnGlad you liked it :).