Awesome. Didn't expect to see this chapter get a tune-up as well. Actually quite nice, since each scene does feel more different, and the added bonus will satisfy any who wanted more than just crap :P
A few spelling errors here and there "TOO Garnet", not "two", lol
But nothing serious.
Anyway, some additional ideas for that Zidane x Garnet thing I mentioned. Since it seems like Garnet is most an anal virgin (at least to my understanding), perhaps after you have her return home, she willingly gives it up to Zidane, while showing what her royal tush can dish out before hand... and then getting a butt full of Zidane's tail, maybe even with some quip like "you said liked having a tail, I'm just lending you mine." XP
Still, great work as always.
Author's Response:
I'm glad you're happy with the changes and additions, my plan was to edit this chapter, but I didn't want to change this one without the first.
and in this story, Garnet isn't really an anal virgin, she's just very 'reserved' when it comes to sex around other people, especially those like Yuna and Rikku, so open and eager about it, except Zidane.
I was a little concerned about including a yuri scene in a 'fetish' fic, cause, people would read this for the pooping, not really the sex. Not to mention you wanted a scat fic, not a sex one. In my initial version of the fic, particularly, chapter two, I tried to make Yuna and Garnet's orgasms purposly less descriptive than I usually do, so it wouldn't be too distracting from the main theme of the fic.
Clearly, though, for the edit, I made the orgasms a little more descriptive and I actually included a sex scene.
Actually, I wanted to include a small masturbation scene with Garnet at the end of the first chapter, but I reluctantly decided against it.
Fantastic additions. I liked the extra "molestations" of Garnet's body. Plus the little thoughts from her did help better. Still a few spelling errors (arn't instead of "aren't") but nothing major.
Can't wait to see what comes next in this little series.
Another great chapter. Though I think the pooping could be a bit longer, heheheh. If anything, at least for Tifa's going, maybe even with comments from the girls just before the finish.
Also, neat little nod to my one story with Yuna orgasming from her load. It is pretty cool to think some girls do at least dribble a bit when they pass a monster. :)
Anyway, a few typos like before, but nothing really distracting. Also, you should probably add in the pantypoop tag in the category markers just so people know it's there if they see the story.
Nice take on the challenge, and hopefully there'll be more. If you're interested in some ideas, you could always do a spin-off with Garnet showing off her new "talents" to Zidane when she gets home and "entertains" him. ;)
Author's Response:
Yeah, the pooping could've been longer, but I was worried that with five different pooping scenes, they would all start to seem the same and the last thing I want is someone reading to feel like they read the same thing before.
But I amy happy that each pooping scene was about a page in length, so that's roughly five pages of pooping over fifteen pages, which I think is pretty good.
I actually read the fic with Yuna coming from her pooping after I did Yuna's scene, but I liked the unintintional refrence, since YRP's pooping contest in this series is largly based on you and poowrites fics, like you said before, it's a 'non-canon'.
Although, I did particularly like doing Yuna and Garnet's scenes, it was a nice change from the usual just pooping. I liked Garnet's even more so, with her realising she was getting sexual gratification from her pooping, yet dreading it as well and ultimatly climaxing powerfully and feeling humiliated.
I couldn't reamimber though if Garnet liked Zidane, there was one line I had for Garnet about Zidane, but couldn't remimber what their relationship was.
Very nice. Interesting twist with the dark forces thing, though I guess you did have kind of plot in mind with these sudden crossovers. Perhaps you should do a prequel bit sometime, to show how it all started.
Anyway, there are some typos here and there, but nothing too distracting.
Also, should totally add in more Rikku using al-bhed to talk privately with Yuna. :)
Author's Response:
I actually thought the beginning was a bit too dark for the kind of 'fun' fic this was, but I wanted to show that the problem they faced was a serious threat.
and I thought about having Rikku speak in Al-bhed, but I just decided against it, there wasn't really anything that Rikku wanted to tell Yuna privately in this fic, like she did with the first one.
The wetting scene was great, and I really liked the scene where she's trying to sneak to the bathroom without getting caught.
Overall, good story. I enjoyed reading it anyway.
Not bad.....
BUT I WANTED GARNET TO POOP HERSELF! >__<
:P Ok now that got that out of my system, I liked it. Certainly nice to finally see a Garnet story (I don't know why people rag on 9 so much, it was more like the classics than 7 or 8). I kinda see you might be hinting at a reason for the cross-overs rather than 'because I felt like it' Heck, you could always have it be Chrono Trigger or something *Granted that was Time Travel, not dimension/world* or maybe Kingdom Hearts *Even if Tifa's her original FF7 self and not the Radiant Gardens from KH*....
Getting back on topic XP.... Another nice story, keep up the great work.
Author's Response:
I'm glad you liked it ^_^
And I thought about adding a reason for why characters that arn't supposed to be in x-2's world, are there.
I wanted to include it in the Vs. fic, but didn't get around to it, but this fic was a good opertunity to suggest that there's a cause for the other characters being there. Also, as suggested in the fic, the issue has already been solved/taken care of, so they just have to wait. so, the fics are 'after' the groups solves the problem.
So any future fics, the reason the other characters are there is only like, a side story. so at it's core, it is a 'becouse I felt like it' reasoning, but your not reading to find out WHY their there are you? :p
if your interested in know who curently inhabits the X-2 world in this little series, it's, AC-Cloud, AC-Tifa, AC-Yuffie; Squall, Rinoa, Selfie, Zell; Zidane, Garnet and Amarant.
Although, I didn't manage to reveal it in the fic, but since the issue was solved, it'll take time for things to balence themselves, thus, more characters can and likely will appear while others dissapear back to their original locations, so with Amerants appearance, Zidane dissappears.
So if you have suggestions on who you want to show up, Eiko maybe, or Quintis, they might appear, the only characters that can't appear are dead ones, so no Aries/Areith, sorry
The wetting itself left something to be desired, but it still worked and I honestly wonder if a more descriptive wetting scene would have been out of place.
The fighting felt authentic as well. Reminded me of something straight from Advent Children.
In all, outstanding work. Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it, I do feel like the ws was more of a secondary focus though
I was thinking more Dead Fantasy when i was doing the fighting, especially the falling down the building part ^_^
Good story though, good desperation.
I like how the stakes are raised as the story goes on, even though it's a fairly brief story (2,199 words, according to my word processor). In the beginning, if she fails, she poops her swimsuit and is embarrassed. By the end, if she fails, she dies of drowning. So there's more to this than the typical desperation story.
The explanation of her situation with the chocolate laxative and stuff seems awkward the way it is. I think it should have either been expanded into a scene or else removed completely. It's not like the reader needs to know why someone has diarrhea every time someone in a fic has diarrhea.
The final scene (everything after "Meanwhile , in a small changing room...") is great. So is the sentence "The whole competition was now in Yuna's innocent backside."
I guess I didn't have a lot to say about this. Nice little tale.
Author's Response:
well, firstly, yuna isn't wearing a swimsuit, she's wearing her regular X-2 clothing in the Sphere Pool.
If the main character of the fic has diarrhea, I prefur to reveal what caused it ^_^
I'm glad you liked the fic
Overall pretty good. I think you did a good job of capturing her urgency and a pretty good job of writing the blitzball scene.
My only real complaint is that the pooping scene seemed to be lacking a little. The focus seemed to switch to her drowning as her bowel released.
Still, good story. You know I always enjoy reading about Yuna "taking care of business."
Author's Response: well, nearly the whole fic was her fighting back pooping herself ^_^
Pretty good, a little iffy on the near drowning part, but still nice.
Would have been nice to have seen even more pooping from the other girls as well, but maybe next time?
There are a good number of spelling errors, but nothing too glaring.
Great job as usual.
Author's Response:
heh, well, when your dealing with underweater stuff, thiers always the threat of drowning.
I'm glad you liked it though
I tried to find the spelling spelling errors, but it doesn't ssem I'm good at spotting all of them >.<
It's better, but still has some errors here and there, but is quite better than the initial version. Personally I don't care much for the lesbian aspect, but hey that's your forte, not mine :D
It does make for a nice 'what if' follow up to what Poowrite and mine's Yuna & Rikku stories, but I think this can be a non-canon fic.
Write more though, this is getting good!
Author's Response:
I'm glad you like this version better.
the only thing I borrowed from you guys fics are that Yuna, Rikku and Paine participate in pooping contests, though Yuffie could be joining them ^_^
Lol, is this going to turn into that Teen Titan's fic again? ^_^
In conclusion, I thought it was a fun story, that maybe could have used a little polish but is fine the way it is.
PS. Write a sequel with more Selphie!
Author's Response:
I'm glad you liked it.
I'm currently edititng the fic and fixing the grammer errors, I'll replace the posted version later today
I am concidering a sequal, somthing involving the game Blitzball and pooping, dunno how I'd include Yuffie and Selfie in it though, concidering they wouldn't have the lung strength
Not bad, but unfortunately it doesn't seemed quite as polished as your other stories. Not only is it odd that two girl from two unrelated FF titles are there, the fact that Yuna and Rikku act as though they know them well enough is proof of poor plotting. Also, I think the whole lesbianism with Y/R is a bit overplayed, it's not bad, but you see it so often it's kinda lost it's appeal.
Then you have the numerous spelling/grammatical errors, and I mean they're really glaring in this one.
But enough criticism, it's a still a nice one-shot and 'non-canon' little story. Good for a quick fix when you need something to read, but it could use a lot of improvement. Sorry, but I just had to be honest about it, don't take it the wrong way.
Author's Response:
Thx for your review, this is more of a 'fun' fic, it doesn't take itself seriously, which is why the crossover.
poor Plotting? theirs no real plot in this fi.