That was...insteresting. I'm not really sure how we were supposed to resd that one. I'm guessing that what you put here were her persional thoughts. If that's the case, then I commend you on how well you showed her feaking out and becoming more frantic. I must admit that this style of writing took me by surprise, but all in all I think it was a pretty good read.
Date: Oct 02, 2010 10:13 am [Report This]
count me in for liking the narative stle too also liked the titles use in the story
Date: Sep 21, 2008 12:50 am [Report This]
I believe this is the 1st fic I've read by you. You're off to a good start!
I'm glad my challenge was used, and was happy to read this. It's cool to think of Samus thinking these things, since it's all so contrary to her tough image, but it also doesn't seem out of character (as far as I know). It's a situation I can imagine Samus in, although I would have liked a little more that tied into one of the missions or planets or enemies in the games.
The stream-of-consciousness storytelling was unexpected but not bad. The only problem is that it doesn't allow for much description.
I'm glad my challenge was used, and was happy to read this. It's cool to think of Samus thinking these things, since it's all so contrary to her tough image, but it also doesn't seem out of character (as far as I know). It's a situation I can imagine Samus in, although I would have liked a little more that tied into one of the missions or planets or enemies in the games.
The stream-of-consciousness storytelling was unexpected but not bad. The only problem is that it doesn't allow for much description.
Date: May 24, 2008 03:38 am [Report This]
Pretty good, a nice take on the desperation angle. I liked the litttle bit of 'distractions' she has before making to the end. Though I think you should've had a scene after she peed where she realizes she really needs to poop.
Hehehe, just got out of the bathroom after peeing and suddenly having to dump really bad.
Date: Apr 18, 2008 11:23 pm [Report This]
Not a bad story. I liked the stream of conciousness (probably spelled that wrong) approach.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
Date: Apr 18, 2008 10:42 pm [Report This]
There were a few spelling errors in there, for exmaple :
"I'm busting." You most probably meant bursting ...
but I think you described the desperation pretty well, and all the thoughts going through her head, which is so very important on storys like these. Good job.
We need more tales of this brave woman
Date: Apr 18, 2008 05:42 pm [Report This]