My main problem was the story's tendency to shift between present and past tense. There are also many spelling and grammar errors, as well as redundant and confusing sentences. Nothing besides the construction is bad, although it seems out of character for Mai to readily admit that she hasn't been able to poop since yesterday. She's really stubborn about admitting she has a stomachache, so it seems like Ty Lee would have to do more prying before she'd admit it was a constipation sort of stomachache.
I would love to read a sequel dealing with Azula's diarrhea (but it would be more fun if she didn't know she'd eaten laxatives).
Like Orephum, I noticed a few grammer errors here and there. Also, would liked to have seen Azula deal with her very loose bowels, but overall a great story and an excellent addition to the contest!
Nice, that's Mai down, now all we need is to see Azula dump and we'll have pretty much have covered each Avatar girl dumping (well, maybe we can throw Suki, Jun the lesser girls in later :D). Spot on with the characters too, though I think Azula should have been a bit more coy, since she usually seems to always to be trying to get under the skin of people she likes. Ty Lee has always struck me as the kind of girl who probably would take a dump in a very 'stimulating' position, and even more likely be kinda open to discussing her habits. Hell, I would be surprised if she left the door open in a public restroom while she took a crap. XP *I sure wouldn't mind ;)*
I have to say, aside from my Rika story, I think this is the only other real constipation story on the site. Since most others have been girls finally getting over constipation or usually defeating obstinate logs before it became constipation. Interesting idea with the little 'story within a story' by Ty Lee, adds another little touch you don't see often in stories.
Of course, Azula should have been seen crapping too, even if it was just one of the MANY bouts she'd have with the toilet. But hey, perhaps another time.
As usual there's the occasional errors; “Heh, yeah, as far as I know, I’ve never been backed up before.” admits Ty Lee, blushing, I have the opposite a lot though, Probably because I‘m so flexible and all.” (Forgot the "" around "I have the opposite-) That's the only major thing I can see, since I don't think the 'story' actually has to be told with a past tense verbing.
Author's Response:
Thx ^_^ I'm glad you like it, I can kinda see Ty Lee being open with bodily functions too, and I saw Mai as more conservitive in that regard.
Sorry about stopping before Azula's pooping, I kinda chickened out when I got to her ^_^; maybe I'll add it in at a later date.
Thx for the pointing out the small error