Your elegance along with durability of an watch wedding ring depend mainly on the grade of the resources used. It is important to exercise the highest care inside choice involving materials, both to the upper natural leather and to the lining natural leather, in order to deliver softness along with comfort throughout wear. Leather is often a raw product of excellent and prosperous tradition, and it is usually a cheap replica handbags existing material worth considering quite a lot of knowledge replica Tag Heuer watches along with experience and also a certain needed "feel" replica watches UK so that they Swiss Replica Watches UK are made knockoff U-Boat watches right fine gold. Working using leather presents a whole new challenge daily, for zero two wildlife are alike with out single little bit of leather is a lot like any various other, either throughout its visual appeal or throughout its persistence.

Contemplating using challenging jewelry including crimson along with pearl has been approached inside 1700s. The chaffing as a result of material get rid of towards steel from your numerous metallic elements turning about pistons has been discovered to bring about inaccuracies, replacing this steel exhibiting with specific place counterparts not merely fixed the original chaffing difficulty, but it replica Audemars Piguet Contemporaine Collection watches absolutely was discovered the particular cheap replica hermes handbags treasured factors did not deteriorate since quickly probably, drastically increasing the longevity with the MBT shoes UK view. Even so, this notion didn't spring in widespread utilize instantaneously. Very away with imitation de qualite Bell & Ross montres the significant well worth of along with your gemstones, the genuine within in fact forming them the instruments sold at enough time resulted in the many deluxe timepieces had just about fake Swiss Breitling watches any, as properly as from then on only from your vital bearings, just like the equilibrium tyre swivels.

I usually like a lot of your plot ideas; a lot of my favourites on this site are yours. This is one of those ideas that are rather generic -- it doesn't have anything particularly unique going for it, and seems like a typical watersports story. Nonetheless, genericity doesn't make an idea bad; it's possible to write out the idea in such a way that it's still interesting and maybe even unique, and even lacking that people who like this genre of story can still enjoy it.

I personally did enjoy the story. Despite everything I've mentioned below, I thought you pulled it off pretty well overall (then again, it's also the kind of story I like :P ). Mind you, I don't know anything about the characters or the series you've based this fic on. I thought that moment where Shuji spontaneously suggested Chisa should wet herself was cute... although I might have expected her to hesitate a little bit more. Is she really that taken by him?


Well, before I start off on your style, I'd like to mention the wetting itself. In my opinion, this is one place where you could have (as I mention below) adorn the writing and, after the build-up of tension, satisfy the reader's expectation of a wetting -- I thought it was a bit too short. (I'm one of those who enjoys the wetting just as much if not more than the desperation. Cake's no good without a generous amount of icing. :P )

I do find your writing could use a little work, though. Overall, although your writing is mostly acceptable, there's a lot of little things to work on throughout it. For one, I find your style is plain: you simply tell what's going on like it is, but don't really go out of your way to adorn it, add much emotion to action, thought or description, etc. I think your writing could improve tenfold if you would use the power of words to your advantage, to add emotion, to emphasize what's more important (either to the story or character in whose Point of View you're writing) by being more descriptive, and also to toy with the reader's mind a little: for example, you can suspend or prolong tension and keep readers interested by slowing down a little to delay the release or continuation, but of course without going to such lengths that the reader gets annoyed with delays.

Also, be careful of the tense you're writing in: "Shuji, What will I do for clean underwear?" asks Chisa as she feels a much stronger urge from her bladder., and then you continue on to write "I'll wash the ones your wearing." replied Shuji. You're mixing up past and present tenses.

Moving onto a less subjective aspect...

Through your works, I've noticed that the rules of punctuating dialogue aren't followed; these are usually truly considered grammatical/punctuation rules, not optional "writing rules" (more like guidelines) that can be broken when needed by a writer. If a sentence ends with a dot and you're using a speaker tag after it, it should end with a comma and the speaker tag is part of that same sentence (no capital letter); if the speaker tag comes in mid-sentence, the speaker tag is followed by a comma (examples below). This does not hold true for exclamation/question marks.

Good: "I'll wash the ones you're wearing," replied Shuji.
Bad: "I'll wash the ones you're wearing." replied Shuji.
Good: "Well, if that's how you're going to act," said Hugh, "you can sleep with the rest of the pigs tonight!"
Good: "Did you find it?" asked Sherman.
Good: "Well!" said Germaine. "If it isn't young William!"

On that note (and going back to a subjective topic), be careful about placing speaker tags too far along somebody's line. To me, when you add a speaker tag at the end of a longer line or sentence, it sounds strange and unnatural -- take the third example above. I could put the speaker tag ("said Hugh") either after the "Well," or like I did, but to my ear, putting it at the end of the sentence makes it sound late and really weird.

Also, whatever you might have learned in High School, avoiding the word "said" is not a good thing. In general, you should use plain words like said, and maybe asked, whispered, yelled, etc. when it's appropriate, and avoid "fancy" words like bawled, sighed, etc. The reason is simple: you want to immerse your reader into the action, to let them forget that the story is fictional, but using fancy words in dialogue catches their attention and serves to pull them out of the story a little, whereas "said" and company are so common that it becomes transparent to the reader. Of course, this doesn't mean you should always avoid fancy words -- just that you should not avoid "said" altogether.

I would like to note that your asked/stated/suggested, etc. did catch my attention quite a few times and pull me a bit from the story.

Also, please check your spelling and grammar. All the little mistakes you make are really jarring when they come around so often, and definitely do degrade the reading experience. You confused homonyms like mourning/morning, you're/your, wear/where/we're, etc., and I noticed quite a few commas that were missing. There are a few sentence fragments like this too: "Shuji then kissed Chisa onto her back, inatvertinly bringing the pressure back onto her now full and slowly expanding bladder. Causing Chisa to scissor her legs together to prevent wetting herself." That second sentence, "Causing ...", isn't a grammatically proper sentence and isn't just a noun group used alone for effect; it's a dependent clause, so it should be connected to the sentence before by a comma or otherwise rephrased.

Author's Response:

Wow, that's for the reveiw and suggestions!

I've been tring to work on my grammer and tense

Thanks about your comments about 'rules of punctuating dialogue', I didn't know about that ^_^;