Absolute lovely!
Please continue.
I like the story better now with the additions. The mall scene makes it seem more even. The last couple sentnces in the new ending are a good way to end the story. I also like the cleaning-up scene, although it would've been more interesting if there'd been someone for her to talk to. Good work.
Date: Oct 10, 2008 02:57 pm [Report This]
Not bad. I didn't have any problem with the original version, but the new stuff is always welcomed in a good story.
Date: Oct 05, 2008 10:21 pm [Report This]
Great story. I thought the concept was very interesting and original and I really enjoyed the pooping scenes. I also liked the way you mentioned that accidents weren't so unusual. It seems likely that there would be more messings in a world where you couldn't possibly know when you might have to go.
Great story :).
Great story :).
Date: Oct 05, 2008 03:38 pm [Report This]
A good answer to the challenge, covering everything it mentions, though now I realize there's so much more you could do with this.
From when I first read the description of Casey, I pictured this in a DBZ type anime world. I did notice her hair color, and I assumed it meant she dyed it as a fashion statement and didn't naturally have blue hair.
Once you except the basic premise, you can imagine how things would work in this world in a way that makes sense. As the original challenge reads, in this world pooping is undignified and being in "Human Waste Management" wouldn't be something to be proud of. I see it as a thing teenage girls do for extra shopping money but, wile legal, isn't really socially acceptable (like how some girls in Japan date creepy old guys for money.) Casey probably didn't tell her parents she was doing this (or they might make her pay for "reinforcing" the toilet out of the money she made). When she got the urge, the proper thing to do would have been to go to a special facility for people like her, (the same place she mentioned going to clean up after her mega-accident at the end) but she was in a hurry and tried to cheat.
I would like to see her, or another girl from this universe, visit one of those places. Think about it; dozens of cute girls talking, reading, watching TV or whatever wile they sit on super toilets for hours at a time taking physically impossible dumps.
Author's Response:
From when I first read the description of Casey, I pictured this in a DBZ type anime world. I did notice her hair color, and I assumed it meant she dyed it as a fashion statement and didn't naturally have blue hair.
Once you except the basic premise, you can imagine how things would work in this world in a way that makes sense. As the original challenge reads, in this world pooping is undignified and being in "Human Waste Management" wouldn't be something to be proud of. I see it as a thing teenage girls do for extra shopping money but, wile legal, isn't really socially acceptable (like how some girls in Japan date creepy old guys for money.) Casey probably didn't tell her parents she was doing this (or they might make her pay for "reinforcing" the toilet out of the money she made). When she got the urge, the proper thing to do would have been to go to a special facility for people like her, (the same place she mentioned going to clean up after her mega-accident at the end) but she was in a hurry and tried to cheat.
I would like to see her, or another girl from this universe, visit one of those places. Think about it; dozens of cute girls talking, reading, watching TV or whatever wile they sit on super toilets for hours at a time taking physically impossible dumps.
Author's Response:
glad you like it
I didn't actually think about Casey having this 'extra job' secret from her parents, I like that Idea ^_^
The row of 'porta-potties' at the end of the fic were toliets for people liket her, Casey was just unlucky and got a stall stolen from her :p
Date: Oct 04, 2008 01:22 pm [Report This]
I really liked it. Nice descriptions, and also good idea for the story.
The only think that irked me was not knowing WHOSE dumps they were. I think it would've been cool to know who had eaten what was coming out.
Good job!
The only think that irked me was not knowing WHOSE dumps they were. I think it would've been cool to know who had eaten what was coming out.
Good job!
Date: Oct 02, 2008 03:37 pm [Report This]
*Sitting in a chair wearing a silk coat and smoking a cornpipe (Like Bruce Campbell in that old spice commericial)*
Hmm... An interesting take on the challenge. Of course it's the only one, it does make for a unique take on this 'fetish'. I could in some ways see this kind of thing happening, though only a little. With the way technology is evoling, the more likely change would be genetic manipulation to make it so that the body absorbed everything from the food comsumed and completely broke it down into energy. And I recall, there are people whose matabolism is so high they actually process food much more better than others.
Anyway, a nice story. There are a few errors, one more noticible in the beginning. But otherwise a tightly wound piece that will be surely treasured.
Date: Oct 01, 2008 11:53 pm [Report This]
I liked this story. The exposition at the beginning had me worried, but it turned out to not be too long or boring, and only conveyed what was necessary. I liked the cell phone example.
The story has a couple faults. For one thing you switch between past and present tense. There are also many run-on sentences. I also feel like some parts should have been told with more detail, like her trip to the mall for instance.
I like your description of Casey. The blue hair is a nice touch, making her kind of like an anime girl.
The pooping is also described well, although I feel like the toilet-filling got more attention than the panty-filling when you were writing it. "...Lowering her tensed rear onto the cool seat." For some reason I really like how this is worded. I think it would've been more fun if her pants had split open at the end from getting overloaded so fast.
A fun light-hearted story. I have one question, though. Why isn't the toilet in her house reinforced for her loads? Where would she usually go to dump? And why did the use that toilet when she knew it couldn't handle it?
Author's Response:
The story has a couple faults. For one thing you switch between past and present tense. There are also many run-on sentences. I also feel like some parts should have been told with more detail, like her trip to the mall for instance.
I like your description of Casey. The blue hair is a nice touch, making her kind of like an anime girl.
The pooping is also described well, although I feel like the toilet-filling got more attention than the panty-filling when you were writing it. "...Lowering her tensed rear onto the cool seat." For some reason I really like how this is worded. I think it would've been more fun if her pants had split open at the end from getting overloaded so fast.
A fun light-hearted story. I have one question, though. Why isn't the toilet in her house reinforced for her loads? Where would she usually go to dump? And why did the use that toilet when she knew it couldn't handle it?
Author's Response:
First, I'm glad you liked it, the set-up did seem long to me though.
I got the cell phone idea from learning about a group of people that were imprisioned for a long time, then when they came back to the USA, they found out technology had changed rapidly.
I pretty much wrote this in one day and proofread it once before posting, but with further reading i will try to find more errors and fix them.
and now that you mention it, I think I could've fleshed out Casey's trip to the mall, I may add that on later.
heh, about the hair, if you notice, the hair on her head and down below are two different colors ^_^
yeah, the toilet pooping did get more attention, I hadn't planned on continuing the fic past the toilet nuking, but, that changed ^_^
Hehe, pants split from pooping? I like that thought ^_^
and to answer your questions at the end, it didn't occure to me that her home toilet needed to be reinforced, poor planning on my part >_<
Usually, if Casey knew there was a big load coming, she'd go find a reinforced toilet.
And Casey had hoped her load wouldn't be that large, afterall, she could always poop a little, flush, poop more, flush, etc. but Casey's mind was elsewhere ^_^
Date: Oct 01, 2008 07:33 pm [Report This]