Reviews For Hinata and kurenia
Hey, since you wrote in the Writing.com version, do you know why they took it down?
Date: Jan 31, 2011 10:39 pm [Report This]
finish it! 10000000000000!!!!!!!!!
Date: Dec 02, 2010 11:03 pm [Report This]
This is more a scene than a chapter. It's entertaining, but I don't really know how to review it. I wonder if Kurenai has a motive behind this, besides just being sadistic and/or insane.
I like the line "her face turned an even deeper scarlet." I notice you transferred it from the 1st chapter to this one. I also thought her cupping her panties to make walking easier was a nice touch.
I look forward to reading more. Is this going to be your entry in the contest once it's done?
I like the line "her face turned an even deeper scarlet." I notice you transferred it from the 1st chapter to this one. I also thought her cupping her panties to make walking easier was a nice touch.
I look forward to reading more. Is this going to be your entry in the contest once it's done?
Date: Dec 22, 2008 02:11 am [Report This]
This is a review of the 1st chapter only. I haven't read the 2nd yet, but I will in a moment.
This was fairly entertaining. You've got me interested in reading the next chapter. The transition from dream to reality at the beginning is well done, and it made me chuckle. The messing at the end was also handled well.
This part confused me: "she could have sworn that her cold pajama bottoms became a little warmer." Did you mean it the other way around?
Author's Response: i was trying to say that she had another accident, maby it came across wrong
This was fairly entertaining. You've got me interested in reading the next chapter. The transition from dream to reality at the beginning is well done, and it made me chuckle. The messing at the end was also handled well.
This part confused me: "she could have sworn that her cold pajama bottoms became a little warmer." Did you mean it the other way around?
Author's Response: i was trying to say that she had another accident, maby it came across wrong
Date: Dec 22, 2008 02:02 am [Report This]
Not a bad first effort. Like Orpheum pointed out, there are a few spelling and grammer errors. In particular, I noticed "close" when you meant "clothes" and "were" when you meant "where."
That being said, it was a good story. The accidents were nice. Overall, not bad at all.
Here's hoping we see more from you.
Author's Response: thanks i will keep on it
That being said, it was a good story. The accidents were nice. Overall, not bad at all.
Here's hoping we see more from you.
Author's Response: thanks i will keep on it
Date: Dec 15, 2008 12:00 pm [Report This]
Pretty good. Though it could use a lot of improvement. Firstly, there's a lot of spelling/grammar errors. Also, the plot could use some touching up, since it seems weird that Kurenai would just start acting mean towards Hinata (granted I know some of our stories do tend to stray from 100% canon/on character behavior).
Overall, a nice start. It'll be interesting to see where this goes.
Author's Response: yeah for kurenia i am trying to build upon the story, it will make sense at the end.
Date: Dec 15, 2008 01:00 am [Report This]
One question do you have an account on http://www.writing.com, specifically going by the name of werewolf630, Hina or the last writer? Because this story is practically identical to one of the story paths they created in the Hinata Diapered interactive story.
werewolf630: http://www.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/1363887/map/11
Hina: http://www.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/1363887/map/113
the last writer: http://www.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/1363887/map/1132
Author's Response: yeah i go by the last writer, thought i bring it over here kinda disappointed on what other people have added to that story, like one setences and all.
werewolf630: http://www.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/1363887/map/11
Hina: http://www.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/1363887/map/113
the last writer: http://www.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/1363887/map/1132
Author's Response: yeah i go by the last writer, thought i bring it over here kinda disappointed on what other people have added to that story, like one setences and all.
Date: Dec 14, 2008 09:21 pm [Report This]