Not bad. Let me start by saying that a story of this nature featuring children of that age does creep me out a little and some of the lines didn't help ("make your peepee pee that white stuff" *shudder*) The "breast-squirting" was a little wierd too, but I expected those things coming into the story.

First off, let me thank you for the review, Poowrite. I really appreciate it.  ^_^

Now, let me respond to your points;  Breast squirting just happens to be one of my fetishes and I just slipped it in there as a fun little thing to do.  =P  As for the "Make your peepee pee that white stuff", that's what my cousin called it a long time ago and one of the major factors in doing this fic was to recapture the innocence of youth.  xP

That all begin said, it wasn't bad. I liked Jasen over Suu. It was kinda easy to relate to him. His curiousity concerning his body and Ashely's were a strong point of the story.

Glad you liked it. That *was* what I was going for. Suu and Jasen are supposed to be intensely curious about their bodies and they just happened to choose Ashely as their "victim".  xP

The characters really lacked any background and this was a problem. Maybe I missed it, but are Suu and Jasen siblings in this story? Just friends? Did Suu just happen to find out about her "power?" There were a lot of unanswered questions.

Heh, that's why this is just the "first" chapter, my friend. You don't want *all* the answers in only the first chapter, now do you?  =P  The connection between Suu, Jasen, and Ashely is something I intend to build upon in later chapters - I just didn't want to get bogged down for the first fic I'd done in some time. Same thing with Suu's power.  =P

I also noticed a few problems with sentence structure. I know, I'm not really qualified to point out grammer mistakes, but the fifth, forth and third paragraphs from the bottom are worded in such a way that they are kinda hard to follow. Also, the third from the bottom is one giant, run-on sentence.

Damn, my bad. I've since fix'd them and as soon as I figure out how to edit this story with the "fix'd" version, I'll post it.

The wetting scene was pretty good, if a little hard to follow. And I liked reading about Ashley's fantasy as Jasen and Suu worked on her.

Essentially, Ashely fell asleep with a full bladder, Jasen and Suu explored her body, Ashely orgasmed, then wet herself.  Simple, easy, efficient.  xP

Overall, a little creepy but not bad.

 You're not the only one that thinks it's creepy. Maybe I should not post it here on Nyou Fiction.  =_=