Reviews For What Neji Saw
You really should do more. Not to mention you should go back and touch up on the spelling errors and maybe even increase the length (pun unintended) of the chapters so they can stand apart better.
Date: Dec 06, 2010 07:10 pm [Report This]
Not a bad ending. Plenty of sex and I liked the girls putting their tongues to use on each other.
I noticed a few spelling errors here and there, but overall not bad. I'm looking forward to your next story.
I noticed a few spelling errors here and there, but overall not bad. I'm looking forward to your next story.
Date: Jul 05, 2009 10:01 pm [Report This]
*thunderous applause* I dont know if the challenge you were talking about is the one i posted but non the less a damn good fic.
I LOVE HINATA
Author's Response: Haha yeah it kinda was but I decided to do an outdoors element, if I make a sequal it will be him peeping inside due to his discovered talent.
Date: Jul 03, 2009 09:36 am [Report This]
Not bad, though the dumping could have been a little longer. Overall, it's a nice effort, and it's always good to see new writers along with the old standbys.
Date: Jul 01, 2009 09:32 pm [Report This]
It's not bad, but I do agree the shortness is a bit annoying and the bouncy narrative could use some tighter work. Overall, it's a nice little piece, but certainly will need some fine-tuning in the future.
Date: Jun 22, 2009 10:06 pm [Report This]
Another good chapter, better than the last two I thought even though it was missing the all important bathroom scene :).
It felt kinda all over the place. One minute we're on Naruto and Hinata then suddenly on Sakura then back to Neji. The Naruto/Hinata/Sakura scene felt right but I think Neji could have been dropped from this chapter, if not for the title of the story :).
That's not to say Neji's scene was boring. Not at all. It, like the Naturo/Hinata scene was a good read.
Anyway, great work. I'm really looking forward to part four. Here's hoping Sakura has a touch of the runs XD.
It felt kinda all over the place. One minute we're on Naruto and Hinata then suddenly on Sakura then back to Neji. The Naruto/Hinata/Sakura scene felt right but I think Neji could have been dropped from this chapter, if not for the title of the story :).
That's not to say Neji's scene was boring. Not at all. It, like the Naturo/Hinata scene was a good read.
Anyway, great work. I'm really looking forward to part four. Here's hoping Sakura has a touch of the runs XD.
Date: Jun 22, 2009 08:15 pm [Report This]
Not bad at all. The sex scene between Ino and Choji was really well done, I enjoyed it completely. And Hinata's evacuation was well done also.
It seemed like you were trying to do a little to much to fast though. Each of those scenes could have been their own chapter. Also, caught a spelling error or two.
Overall, really good. Thanks for posting.
Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah I'm having issues with lengths like its really a long 8 page story but I didn't want to many short chapters so I decided to divide by content since it worked out that way so if some one only wanted WS it was the tenten pee scene in chapter 1. The next part is huge so I might try to divide it to.
It seemed like you were trying to do a little to much to fast though. Each of those scenes could have been their own chapter. Also, caught a spelling error or two.
Overall, really good. Thanks for posting.
Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah I'm having issues with lengths like its really a long 8 page story but I didn't want to many short chapters so I decided to divide by content since it worked out that way so if some one only wanted WS it was the tenten pee scene in chapter 1. The next part is huge so I might try to divide it to.
Date: Jun 14, 2009 10:27 pm [Report This]