Sounds like Shinobu needs a higher-fiber diet. Or a laxative XD.
The detail that went into to her struggle to void was impressive, but the actual dump itself letf a little to be desired.
Not a bad story, overall. I enjoyed reading about her struggle to find relief, I think you did a great job of capturing that.
Reviews For Dropping a Save
Date: Nov 14, 2010 10:43 am [Report This]
It was great to read about a black girl on the toilet. This may be the first story on the site to star a girl of that ethnicity (although one of my fics that was killed by a computer virus did). Your descriptions are very nice, and I love the part where she does a bad job of hovering and pees on the floor, and the part about her needing to brace herself. That was creative.
The story is short and slight, but good for what it is. It could use proofreading though, and maybe more details here and there.
The story is short and slight, but good for what it is. It could use proofreading though, and maybe more details here and there.
Date: Nov 01, 2010 11:30 pm [Report This]
Yet another good story. However, I would say it could use polishing. It seem a bit too brief, and didn't give enough time to add some additional references and humor (though from what I've seen of the games, this probably would have happened, I bet). It's definitely good, just needs some fine-tuning.
Date: Nov 01, 2010 12:52 am [Report This]