Considering that you're a first-timer, not bad. Looks like a few formatting problems and the story didn't seem to flow that twell (to me that is), but overall not a bad start.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. It originally was a completely different story, but I guess I didn't edit it enough. Hopefully my other stories are better
Reviews For The Mall
Date: Aug 12, 2011 02:21 pm [Report This]