One thing after another, eh? Just like life - one thing leads to another.
C'est la vie.
Reviews For Shapeshifter training
Very interesting little tale.
Date: Dec 09, 2011 06:20 pm [Report This]
Great story! I love the plot, and making the characters ballerinas just makes them hotter in my mind (even though you don't go into much detail about ballet). I also like the suggestion of Sonya's upcoming "modesty training," and the various references to the human ballerinas' desperation.
I like the imagery. My favorite part is this: "Every time she twirled or raised her leg or anything a few more drops would go flying, and by the end we could hear her shoes squishing too." I do think you could be more detailed when it comes to the peeing scenes and Sonya's first encounter with a toilet. It would also be nice to know more about what Sonya looks like. For humor alone, I love this line: "So Sonya just says to always call her Sonya while she's being Sonya. That... sounded less confusing in my head."
The diary format works really well for this story. I like how you've created a different world, and subtly reveal information about it, instead of having the narrator just dump a bunch of background information. But the story might be better if you used less modern language. Having the narrator say "like" all the time is a little distracting.
I look forward to Chapter 2. Although I like how this is focused on peeing, I hope to see Sonya learning a thing or two about poop (such as that it's a bad idea to go 5 days without a dump).
Author's Response: Now the modern language things is intentional. It's supposed to be a mostly modern setting that also happens to have a little magic. And the reason the narrator talks like a valley girl is to indicate that she's a big airhead and 'foreshadow' her careless mistakes with Sonya's instructions.
I like the imagery. My favorite part is this: "Every time she twirled or raised her leg or anything a few more drops would go flying, and by the end we could hear her shoes squishing too." I do think you could be more detailed when it comes to the peeing scenes and Sonya's first encounter with a toilet. It would also be nice to know more about what Sonya looks like. For humor alone, I love this line: "So Sonya just says to always call her Sonya while she's being Sonya. That... sounded less confusing in my head."
The diary format works really well for this story. I like how you've created a different world, and subtly reveal information about it, instead of having the narrator just dump a bunch of background information. But the story might be better if you used less modern language. Having the narrator say "like" all the time is a little distracting.
I look forward to Chapter 2. Although I like how this is focused on peeing, I hope to see Sonya learning a thing or two about poop (such as that it's a bad idea to go 5 days without a dump).
Author's Response: Now the modern language things is intentional. It's supposed to be a mostly modern setting that also happens to have a little magic. And the reason the narrator talks like a valley girl is to indicate that she's a big airhead and 'foreshadow' her careless mistakes with Sonya's instructions.
Date: Oct 28, 2011 08:34 pm [Report This]
Whoa, great story! Plus, the shapeshifter angle was very original. You're really good at pee desperation, as this story and The Moon's Flood can attest. It will be interesting to see how you handle number two in the second chapter. Can't wait!
Author's Response: Aww man, how'd you guess? That was supposed to be a surprise!
Author's Response: Aww man, how'd you guess? That was supposed to be a surprise!
Date: Sep 30, 2011 08:23 pm [Report This]
I really like the idea of the character writing the story in a diary. It's something new and makes it a lot more fun to read. Great story, and really great idea. I like it!
Date: Sep 30, 2011 10:39 am [Report This]
This is a well crafted work of fiction. The use of first-person-narrative can either be a hindrance or a help, but I feel you used it well.
Date: Sep 28, 2011 08:50 pm [Report This]